Monday, 7 March 2016

Today was a train wreck of a day, meetings crashing into each other, tears, tantrums and chaos. Normally the kind of day I hate but today it was just  what I needed. Last week was fucking awful, some unwelcome news about The Bosses health made my heart sink, so getting  back to normal was very welcome. The issue is curable, I'm not going to lose him, which is my biggest fear but we've got a difficult time ahead, nothing we can't overcome together but for a few hours the bottom dropped out of my world. I fear very little in this world but losing The Boss is the biggest of my fears. It's the thing that makes me wave at magpies and do small rituals to keep him safe and make sure the last words I always say before bed and when he leaves the house are 'I love you' I'm not sure if it was the fear or need to be close to him, or even our way of coping with the situation but by god did we have some awesome sex afterward we received the news! I enjoyed one of those big long orgasms which made straightening my legs difficult. One of those where you have to be left in peace for a bit and make the conscious effort to stop it.

He's coping much better than me, normally he does rabbit in headlights but he's the one trying to make sure I'm okay. I tend to cry very easily but he's been so together. In fact the joke is that he's swallowed the little book of calm! The black books reference works very well, he not only looks and behaves like Mannie but I am very much Bernard in the relationship! Oddly I was also called Bernard for a while at school but that was a black adder reference (none of this will mean anything g if you're not into British sit coms)  I know this isn't the usual fodder for a bondage blog but outside of the books I can't keep up a dark persona. I'd love to create some alter ego and lie about my sexual adventures but it feels corny writing about real world bondage.

All this and I'd still be giggling!

James can have more fun on the page than I can. Visualising myself in scenarios just makes me feel silly. How about if I make up some deep meaning for this post? Talking about how ordinary I am is an attempt to contrast and compare the extremes of my work! How about that? is that bullshitty enough? Or how about this. This post is about the hidden desires of the working class, using the ordinariness of my life to highlight the brutality of sexuality. Oh, that's good, it sound suitably pretentious and self conscious!. Basically I've got into the habit of blogging and like sharing cool pictures, nothing more nothing less.

"Ain't nothin but mammals, lets do it like they do on the discovery channel"

Speaking of secret sexuality, I'm torn between adoring Grayson Perry's wife Phillipa and being annoyed that talking about kink was just another opportunity for some sniggering. Channel 4's sex night dragged an awful documentary about dogging out of the archive and included a programme claiming to take a frank look at fetish, but yet again, the participants voices were dubbed with such silly sounding voices they sounded like idiots and geeks. Maybe it's just me and that's the British way of dealing with sex is to snigger and point at it but why do they always pick extreme inflatables to talk about? Ha ha look at the blobby weirdo!!! and quite frankly the guy paying to be dominated came across as deserving a kicking.

This is where I'm keeping you honey, just so I don't have to listen to you talk!

Nice that a vac bed was tried out without any nonsense but a great presenter who did a good job was undermined by the tone of the program and the comedic editing!

So much potential with latex

So many ways of enjoying it

but they never dig any deeper!!!

One upside of the shitty week last week was it's reignited both mine and the Bosses creativity. He's thrown himself into his music (if you can call mixing music) and I have so many notes on my story board it's a fire hazard! Not to mention my photo file is getting huge, ALL of this stuff is already putting in an appearance......

The story line of the wedding may stretch to two books, it keeps growing. I'm loving writing about the beauty of the hotel, the sun streaming through its windows and the feeling of its opulence, the guests and their subs. 

There we go!! There's the depth, we can pretend that this blog entry is about how my shitty week and thoughts about my devotion to my husband have led me to think and write about:

The desire for servitude 

and the brevity of human life

The juxtaposition of vulnerability to power

The impotence of humanity in the face of time
or maybe..........

It's just the meanderings of a pornographer in love?


Can anyone tell me where to get a set of these!!!! I want some sooooo badly

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