Sunday, 27 March 2016

I'll sum my week up by saying that it included a baseball bat, a barricade and the words "for fucks sake man up Peter!" oh, and the occasionally muttered phrase "I know you're skiviving!!!"

Man up Pete!

The background noise this week has been chatter from eBay. I'm selling off a lot of old gear and stuff that doesn't get used to buy some new toys I fancy trying, but selling bondage gear attracts some, shall we say eccentric individuals. I know selling on eBay means you have to respond to buyers, it's part of the deal and there are whack jobs everywhere. Even selling something as pedestrian an iPod a while back and ended up with my being tech support to a guy who apparently never heard of Argos or Google, I mean for fucks sake who doesn't know where to buy chargers from in this day and age but my eBay inbox has this week had to cope with questions from a guy who seems to want me to destroy his testicles and a young lady who is a little to prove she's a sub and arrange a pick up. No thanks, my world is a closed one and that's how I like it.

I get it honey, you're super keen to prove just how out there you are. When you've been wearing your collar ten years, come back and we'll talk. 

A lot of the gear has appeared on covers but something has to give, the house is starting to look like it should be on an episode of hoarders. Parting with some of the clothes that saw us through our party years was tough. Ironically  I've lost enough weight to get back into most of it but doing the hippy/rock chic thing over 40 is a little sad. Don't get me wrong, some people have that certain something that means they can pull it off, I work with several ladies over 50 with very unique and great style, but not me.

Much more my style when it comes to dressing but not great work wear!

You can have clean but don't expect any style or elegance. The Boss reluctantly parted with his defunct Adidas collection. If trainers can't be worn they need to go. It was like getting a kid to part with old toys, bottom lip out the works. Fortunately he agreed, all be it reluctantly, to part with the awful nylon Adidas tracky tops. He never really wore them which is great because he looked like he was out on tag when he did, but at least now they're being sold they're gone forever and there's no chance of rediscovery. (Update on this: buyer is moaning about the condition!!! You got 30 year old clothes in excellent condition for pennies, suck it up fuck bag I told you exactly what the condition was. Go ahead leave me bad feedback, like I care!!)

Get your tongue in there honey, nice and deep. Earn yourself some good feedback

A bit of a silver lining on The Bosses health, he won't have to have radical treatment after all!! I'm so relieved I could throw up. Okay, he still has health problems, nothing untypical for a man in his 50's and he'll need to look after himself but we can breathe easy again for a bit, which is very, very cool.

Time to relax a bit, to breathe slowly, deeply, through your nostrils and through the pain!

Or maybe just float,

It's time for a bit of seize the day thinking, without wanting to trot out a cliche (but still doing it anyway) this is the kind of thing that makes you appreciate what you have, things could've been much, much worse.

And where would I be without my Boss to keep me, care for me and lead me x

Various hospital appointments have meant anxiety has put writing on the back burner despite the initial surge of creativity following The Bosses diagnosis but now I'm ready to run again, the new ideas haven't disappeared they just been on hold but I'm raring to go. I was surprised when Agatha popped up out if the blue. I hadn't planned to have her appear but all of a sudden she appeared from nowhere offering cigars. I like writing Agatha, I've no idea how other people feel about her but she's like a naughty child who's handy for poking wasp nests with sticks! I think both Agatha and James are a little bit me. Maybe if I analyse it she appears when I'm in a certain frame of mind. Or of course I could remind myself it's hardcore bondage porn and stop being so self absorbed.

Concentrate honey, it's all about the orgasms

how about you swallow some of that pretension, maybe wash it down with a cup of piss!

I'm contemplating pulling a sticky next week. My turn to have some me time, if my colleague can have a week off after poking himself in the eye with a serviette (I am not fucking kidding!!) I can have some time to recover from carrying the workload of four people while worried sick about the one person I'm not sure I could live without! Not that he's at his most attractive at this precise moment, being sound asleep on the couch snoring loudly. Oblivious to the fact I'm watching some old favorites!

The noises this woman makes are delicious

and I never get tired of Mila being milked

I have my eye on a heavy rubber locking skirt to spend my eBay winnings on but I have got to get round to getting my sleeve finished, the idea of the endorphin high a few hours of being inked brings is very, very appealing but I'm stuck for ideas about what I want doing. I need a cover up, some repair work and some new stuff but I can't decide what. 

Maybe I should get something a little macabre?

Out there pervy?

Or something only The Boss and I get?


Monday, 7 March 2016

Today was a train wreck of a day, meetings crashing into each other, tears, tantrums and chaos. Normally the kind of day I hate but today it was just  what I needed. Last week was fucking awful, some unwelcome news about The Bosses health made my heart sink, so getting  back to normal was very welcome. The issue is curable, I'm not going to lose him, which is my biggest fear but we've got a difficult time ahead, nothing we can't overcome together but for a few hours the bottom dropped out of my world. I fear very little in this world but losing The Boss is the biggest of my fears. It's the thing that makes me wave at magpies and do small rituals to keep him safe and make sure the last words I always say before bed and when he leaves the house are 'I love you' I'm not sure if it was the fear or need to be close to him, or even our way of coping with the situation but by god did we have some awesome sex afterward we received the news! I enjoyed one of those big long orgasms which made straightening my legs difficult. One of those where you have to be left in peace for a bit and make the conscious effort to stop it.

He's coping much better than me, normally he does rabbit in headlights but he's the one trying to make sure I'm okay. I tend to cry very easily but he's been so together. In fact the joke is that he's swallowed the little book of calm! The black books reference works very well, he not only looks and behaves like Mannie but I am very much Bernard in the relationship! Oddly I was also called Bernard for a while at school but that was a black adder reference (none of this will mean anything g if you're not into British sit coms)  I know this isn't the usual fodder for a bondage blog but outside of the books I can't keep up a dark persona. I'd love to create some alter ego and lie about my sexual adventures but it feels corny writing about real world bondage.

All this and I'd still be giggling!

James can have more fun on the page than I can. Visualising myself in scenarios just makes me feel silly. How about if I make up some deep meaning for this post? Talking about how ordinary I am is an attempt to contrast and compare the extremes of my work! How about that? is that bullshitty enough? Or how about this. This post is about the hidden desires of the working class, using the ordinariness of my life to highlight the brutality of sexuality. Oh, that's good, it sound suitably pretentious and self conscious!. Basically I've got into the habit of blogging and like sharing cool pictures, nothing more nothing less.

"Ain't nothin but mammals, lets do it like they do on the discovery channel"

Speaking of secret sexuality, I'm torn between adoring Grayson Perry's wife Phillipa and being annoyed that talking about kink was just another opportunity for some sniggering. Channel 4's sex night dragged an awful documentary about dogging out of the archive and included a programme claiming to take a frank look at fetish, but yet again, the participants voices were dubbed with such silly sounding voices they sounded like idiots and geeks. Maybe it's just me and that's the British way of dealing with sex is to snigger and point at it but why do they always pick extreme inflatables to talk about? Ha ha look at the blobby weirdo!!! and quite frankly the guy paying to be dominated came across as deserving a kicking.

This is where I'm keeping you honey, just so I don't have to listen to you talk!

Nice that a vac bed was tried out without any nonsense but a great presenter who did a good job was undermined by the tone of the program and the comedic editing!

So much potential with latex

So many ways of enjoying it

but they never dig any deeper!!!

One upside of the shitty week last week was it's reignited both mine and the Bosses creativity. He's thrown himself into his music (if you can call mixing music) and I have so many notes on my story board it's a fire hazard! Not to mention my photo file is getting huge, ALL of this stuff is already putting in an appearance......

The story line of the wedding may stretch to two books, it keeps growing. I'm loving writing about the beauty of the hotel, the sun streaming through its windows and the feeling of its opulence, the guests and their subs. 

There we go!! There's the depth, we can pretend that this blog entry is about how my shitty week and thoughts about my devotion to my husband have led me to think and write about:

The desire for servitude 

and the brevity of human life

The juxtaposition of vulnerability to power

The impotence of humanity in the face of time
or maybe..........

It's just the meanderings of a pornographer in love?


Can anyone tell me where to get a set of these!!!! I want some sooooo badly