Sunday, 27 September 2015

Oh my god, is this perfection or what!! So awesomely simple but utterly effective in restricting movement. They force the feet to be kept flexed and wouldn't allow any kind of pressure being on them. Love love love!!! Like it wasn't hard enough to concentrate on one idea without this, gem, this little bit of restrictive magic!!

I'm trying to edit book 25 but I'm not getting stuck into it enough, an idea for using tentacles popped into my head I can shake off and now there's another note on my pin board awaiting attention!!

I'm still toying with lots of femdom ideas without getting side tracked even further

I'm lucky not to get writers block very often, from what I gather from the nano gangs musings for some writing is akin to amputation in terms of pain

I'm doing all of this for my art!! I'm a writer!!!
But it also leads to chaotic thinking. When a sidetrack becomes the new obsession it tends to mean everything else goes to the wall in terms of progress.

Maybe I need some sub space to get my head together!

But the tentacle concepts are working so well, they're forming themselves into film reels in my head, which means once they start running I won't be able to stop them! A fascination for water is starting to develop!

I can hear the sound of dripping water, I've even worked out how the scenario for some tentacle porn would play out as part of the brethren realm, gone so far as to work out how selling time with Cephalopoda would work as a business model for fucks sake!!

Embracing the chaos is just bringing more ducking chaos!
Fuck tuck fuckety fuck fuck fuck
Come on woman make some decisions!!! Do I back burner James for a while?? Should 25 be the last in that series?
Why can't I get my head straight and my ass in gear.

Tuesday, 15 September 2015

I was a bully last night, an unashamed, deliberately cruel, bully. Of the two of us, The Boss is the sociable one. I do people if I have to, but generally avoid the middle aged pub get togethers for brithdays etc. and the clubbing days are long gone. The Bosses easy going nature means that he has a group of people he's hung onto and has great faith in as people. Some of his friends I like, some a really like, even to the point of being happy to see more of them, but there are also a couple I LOATHE. Last night a group of the old cronies met for The Bosses birthday. A little slow maybe because we all used to get together under the influence of speed and similar, but after a few drinks The Boss always enjoys himself and it was nice to see people making the effort to come out and buy him a pint. He's the kind of guy that inspires great loyalty. He can be odd, a little rain man at times but he's a good guy. We even got invited into the neighbours on the way home for a smoke and a drink which made The Boss even happier. I was tired and not really into it but as I say, if it made The Boss happy for his birthday, that's what counts. It descended into raucous swearing but I was very amused when the neighbour announced that she knew about EVERYTHING that went on in the terrace. Trust me Hun you REALLY don't have the faintest what we get up to

You REALLY never know what goes on behind closed doors

 but back to the bullying.

It's this kind behaviour that convinces me I'm a sadistic sub (or just a plain bitch) rather than a switch. Anyway, one of The Bosses oldest friends is an archetypal hippie, he's tedious but The Boss thinks the world of him, so I sort of ignore him but with him comes his Mrs and I loathe her. A few years ago The Boss thought it would be nice if I took her under my wing as 'less her the heffer, as I like to think of her had had a rough time. I met her twice and it became pretty clear pretty quickly she's a manipulator. Cultivating a persona of struggling, vulnerable victim of poor mental health. She is in fact some one with an obvious personality disorder and suddenly I was inundated with texts, each more emotionally charged and needy than the next. I watched at gigs as she controlled everyone, sitting looking miserable in a corner, tears and never ending discussions of how depressed she was, is, and ever shall be, ensuring her a better audience than the band. After a particularly irritating volley of texts one day, seeking yet more attention and validation, I told her to get fucked.

The line was drawn, I avoided her The Boss stayed friends with them and while drunk one night told the heffer what I really thought of her. The Boss invited them both last night, I said fine just as long as I didn't have to talk to her. I knew she wouldn't be able to resist playing her old games and even before we left the house the texts began.

I want to beat her to a fucking Pulp, hold still butch while I get my crop!

Kat, fuck it let's use your name! You only texted to ask what we were wearing to ensure we knew you were coming. It was your announcement of your imminent arrival, just to make sure The Boss would be looking out for you. Loved the walking stick by the way, nice touch! I watched The Boss fall for her "it's been a struggle but I made it" performance and I cut her dead!! My refusal to even make eye contact with her, let alone speak to her, made her and her husband visibly uncomfortable. I sat with someone I liked and ensured Kat was isolated, ignored and so deeply immersed in her victim status she had no option but to feign an anxiety attack and leave.

Bitch!! I hear you cry!! This poor woman!! How could you. I grew up in a household run to appease my mothers emotional needs, I learned early on to spot the difference between real tears and those that appear on cue. Mental health issues are not a weapon to be used against others and I will not play along. I knew exactly what I was doing driving her out and I don't care.

This is what you should wear to the pub bitch so I don't have to listen to you whine or look at your sad fucking face!

It's not just that I don't need to be liked any more, or seek other people's approval, it's just as much that I don't want to be liked. It just leads to assumptions and demands that irritate! I spent years of my life playing catch up to other people's expectations, itwore me out but now I feel so much freer.

I had a grandmother who was a great influence on me, she was honest and told me how powerful sex was, how wonderful and liberating. She was one of the last real bohemians and tried to teach me not to care so much about what other people thought and only now am I getting how right she was. She wasn't a nice woman, she wasn't a liked woman but she was much happier than most people. She's gone to Alzheimer's now, just a tiny bird in big cardigan and there is even an argument to be made that her disregard for others and obnoxiously free spirit was just as much a personality disorder as the calculatingly feeble Kat but I'm too hung over to pick the knots out of that bit of string.

I'm not a nice person, the teachers say "doesn't play well with others" but my grandma would be proud of me!!

Sunday, 13 September 2015

Oh, for fucks sake!!! Now I'm pissing about on tumblr. Concentration span of a fucking moth!! I also seem to be blogging more as well. Embrace the chaos, no point fighting it any more. If I write to publish brilliant, if not I might as well enjoy what I do write. In fact now work is now nearly all paperwork my typing speed is finally something my typing teacher would be proud of. I'm flitting between stories and I've reached a point where the thought of people I know reading this is actually a motivator. I'm good at what I do and I enjoy it !!!!

It's a gift and all the best gifts should be decorated with a bow!
One of the other stories in the pipeline is femdom with infantilise based around a specialist brothel. I'm using the Brethren world as a back drop but femdom is interesting me more and more. I found this gem on tumbler and got my imagination racing.

After all, even grown men being little ones should have pets. Yes, it's exactly what you think it is and the best is yet to come.

I love the way it gives the person inside a while new identity, they literally become a soft toy. Now, furry isn't usually my thing but when you see what's inside......

Led to hours of searching the word bitch suit, told you. No concentration span what so fucking ever!!!


Monday, 7 September 2015

Techno joy! Windows ten may be watching me, invading my privacy and harvesting my data but I don't care. I like it, a lot. With a new laptop  the on going overhaul of the way I use my tech toys means instead of just hoarding pictures and films I can use them in a more dynamic way. Hopefully it will help avoid the duplicate pics on here. I've tended to get lazy trawling through the Seagate and pick favourites to use but now with so much streaming and ever changing availability, stuff comes to me rather than having to hunt and collect it. All of this being good news for anyone who stumbles in, the pics are good, the nonsense in between, not so much so.

This is what you want! Not my self absorbed repetitive rambling!

Of course all this isn't new to the rest of the world but as is so often the case it's not until you're forced to change that it happens. It also of course means picture holding has become a preoccupation again, in turn reminding me of just how easily I'm distracted. This in turn confusing me even more about an idea that's been niggling away at the edge of my mind. My output under various names, not just the Brethren books, is earning enough that I can consider taking a career break for a few months and have a go at writing full time. Every writers dream I hear you say, what's the problem but deep down I know I won't concentrate long enough to achieve anything. I mean the halls been waiting to be finished all bloody year and just at the moment I'm actually really enjoying the day job! Common sense says put the money away until work is shut and I need a break but not only do I know I have no self control and I'll blow it long before that happens but I also know that if I'm so fucking frazzled from work I won't be in the right frame of mind till it's too late anyway!

Basically I want more time, I can have more time but I know I'll waste it once I've got it! first world dilemma.


(See, even typing this I got distracted and ended up messing around with tumbler! Found this Pic though so it was worth it)

and of course the whisper distraction would be a major problem. I keep telling myself to put my creativity into writing rather than messing around in there but I can't resist the immediate pleasure you get from making some one cum. The books give a background buzz of knowing I'm wielding this power but you can't beat that quickly on whisper. The boss thinks it's hilarious that I get a kick out of it but he's very focused on his own orgasms to get anything out of strangers coming but I love it. It's like fishing and I've learned so much about new fetishes and what makes people tick. Buzz words for certain kinds of sensations and fantasies. I love the power it gives me it, in fact it's just so much fucking fun!!

No better way to get the pulse rate up!

One of the things I've always been pleased about is under all my author names and even when playing 1:1 I've been complimented on the darkness. The way I bring elements of horror into sex but no matter how much I try I can't take enough of the sex out for stories to be pure horror. The two are so intrinsically linked. Nothing turns me on like the suffering of others, controlling them but I seek release through total loss of control. I get off telling stories that would haunt other people but nothing goes into one of the Brethren books unless it turns me on. My 'serious' books require less work. They trot out into the page and just need an edit but for the Brethren it has to be right.

I keep thinking with each new scene "is this too much? Have I gone too far this time?" but I know there's no such thing as a new fetish a new kink, so what ever I come up with in my twisted mind some one else has been there first and probably gone much much deeper. I like writing other things but the brethren are the most fun. This blog may be shit but peaches is the only one of my author identities who's any fun. The others have very serious boring worthy and appropriate blurbs but what's the point having a worthy alter ego! At least two of my other authors are probably members of the Green Party and save whales, peaches exists in another world entirely. There are no environmental issues in hell. 

I remember as a teenager having a bully I disliked intensely. She made walking home a nightmare and I dreamed of her demise most fervently. A particular favourite was the dream of drowning her in concrete or more accurately setting her in concrete, face and fingers just creating the great grey mass so I could hear her cry and see her fingers twitch helplessly. The concept of the immobility in this scenario confused the whole thing and I spent some time wondering if I was a psychopath but after managing to separate the two parts which made up the scenario the seeds for my identity as sadistic sub were sown. Only now with a sense of identity fully formed the plant that grew from the seed coming into bloom. 

This shouldn't be a turn on but it is, I am beyond help!

I have a lot of prep to do. It's the boss's birthday which will mean full regalia. He has a favourite outfit so I need to stick up on silicon products to ensure a good shine but I'm looking forward to it. As it's a special occasion FB will aim to please all the more and as we all know the more you put it the more you get out. 

As you may have gathered I'm still on a bit of a high. Work is good, home is good, head feels clear. Long may it all continue. This state of mind makes the ideas flow and fills me with a nice kind of energy. I want to throw myself into everything. The boss keeps saying happy wife happy life and I'm pleased to say the good vibe Is mutual.

The happier I am the easier the cruelty comes. Like a badly behaved child who bites when they get over excited, I want both to hurt and be hurt. Lucky old me, I can do both and make others happy for money

Call me what you like but I know what I am and I'm happy x

Friday, 4 September 2015

How many times have you cum this week, or should I say month, this year? Was the last one a quickly release, something to scratch an itch. A frustration release? Or was it a obligation, one of those fucks you feel you should have either to keep one of you happy or just because you'd feel old if you didn't?

Or was it and orgasm which fulfilled a need so deep, so dark and outrageous you felt slightly ashamed after but good. Or was it the deep rolling orgasm caused by your partner making you cum doing that thing you dream about. Or were you the one that made some one cum like that?

If, during sex you've managed to achieve both or all parties achieving the later kind of orgasm you'll understand the loved up feeling that follows. Like new love, young love infatuation it's intense, exciting and awesome but unlike these it has the power of trust and a deep connection.

"If you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.”

This is a quote frequently misattributed to Buddha, not that this makes it any less true applying just as much to good orgasms as good relationships. If like me you're lucky enough to have both you'll know what I'm saying.

This is what Buddha really says

“If both husband & wife want to see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come, they should be in tune [with each other] in conviction, in tune in virtue, in tune in generosity, and in tune in discernment. Then they will see one another not only in the present life but also in the life to come.”

What does you partner think when they look at you or you them. Do you get that still? Do you still fancy each other. When's the last time they took your hand in the middle of the day and said "come on" and once you've fucked just lay together.

I'm feeling so inspired right now, not just freed up from something that consumed my time and became so negative but at a point where I can feel free a little from work. Turning people who have irritated you into victims of the Brethren is very therapeutic. You can exorcise a great deal of the negativity by doing nasty things to them!

At the moment flitting between stories is working quite nicely, Fb is a happy and without having to trawl through endless convos that I' not really interested in my mind is freer to wander. I believe making a couple of small changes and being given the opportunity to reflect has renewed my and put me into my zone, both for writing and in my mind. A couple of the people determined to upset me have in fact proved an inspiration and now have their place in Ms Lin's house.

Not a bad resemblance actually!

A break from work is proving productive, fun and loved up so we've decided to give the weekend over to a game, like I say "in the zone"! A long walk good food and meteors made for an old school dare night leaving us loved up, a day in the garden together just pushing us closer, how can we not!

I wonder how many times people cum reading my stories and what that translates into royalties, how much do I earn for each orgasm?

I'm experimenting with writing a blog post as I go along rather than making myself sit and try to do it in one go but I'm in danger of rambling. We've decided having at least done some yard work if not the huge amount of decoration we promised we'd do that we'd reward ourselves with a game this weekend. The Boss got up first and after a shopping trip came back to join me in bed. Now shaved and in The Bosses favourite black latex pants I'm smoking a fattie and very mellow.

How sweet, book 1 has been included in a Goodreads poll, it's always nice to know the stories are enjoyed.

I'm very pleased with some of the occupants of Ms Lin's world, she's taken a different direction and stepped back from the sex herself but she has some nice creatures in her collection.

Maybe I'll get her in in the action late but I'm not sure. Story 25 is galloping ahead more head space is feeling good! I haven't played with such extremes for a while and I'm loving it.

Flights of fantasy with lots of body mods, I'd much rather be a pervert than some has been wannabe kook filling their time with handicrafts and holidays washed down with Valium, or filling the hole a lack of  passion leaves with Facebook and dead peoples possessions.

Sometimes its okay to feel good in your own skin.

Try them on ladies, you know you want to!