Sunday, 20 July 2014

Book 19 is out !!!!

But I have a problem!!! 

Just a matter of hours since writing one post about knowing where I'm going with book 20, I've been completely turned around and from my position of having my shit together, I'm in complete chaos! The Boss has got me all distracted. It probably sounds odd but he doesn't read my stories. 

Not only is my ego way too much of a mine field to allow him to make any suggestions but I think even as oh fe as we are with the twisted stuff that goes on in each others heads, even I couldn't explain why such extremes turn me on to some one and still look them in the eye! Anyway, for the first time, apart from each stories content being what's turning me on when I write, they've actually had an impact on how The Boss and I play. He read some notes I made for 20 and the stations of the good sub I wrote appealed to him so much, I have instructions to get learning. By saturday I have to be able to recite them. He made a comment along the lines of "we'll of you came up with it you must think that's what a good sub spouse should live by, best you start living by it". 

"In order to be a good spouse and a wanted spouse a sub must: Obey all rules as dictated by their Dom, live to serve their dom's needs, welcome every gift of pain with gratitude, take no kindness for granted and thank their Dom with every breath for each day they are permitted to exist"

And you know what, I like it as my mantra . There would be no fb without her boss and I do get a buzz out of being controlled. I find that when were all loved up from a really good session is the best time for him to lay down new demands and rules. I'm being betrayed by my own body chemistry! All this loved up and mellow brain fuzz has left me with a dilemma! 

I throw in the excerpts at the end partly so I can hint at where I'm going next but also partly to challenge myself to see if I can stretch my creativity to include them.  At the moment however, thanks to him throwing this at me I'm so fucking loved up and horny I'm all over the place and can't focus on any one destination or set of circumstances. I sooooo thought I fucking had it but now I can't make any decisions and I just want to write too much. I have a rough list of places James could go, or places he was supposed to go but never reached but within the institute I have so many scenarios and at least three distinct areas I want James to explore, this will be the first time one books come out without the next waiting in the wings. Fuck it fuck it, I was so together. 

Friday, 18 July 2014

This probably sounds like a ridiculous thing to say but have you ever been so loved up and happy that it actually feels kind of scary. The feeling that in some way it's all good to be true and if you trust in the good feeling it's going to be all the worse when the other shoe drops and it all comes crashing down around your head. I'm working today and my colleague, after being seriously fucking lazy all morning just did something mind numbingly stupid but I don't care.  Normally I'm prone to getting very shitty about little things but just at the moment I don't care.
All blissed out and hanging around!

I have money in my pocket, a roof over my head and I am ridiculously in love with my husband, In fact I'm like a love sick teenager. I think I probably mentioned the fact that we had a long weekend together coming up, well I can tell you it was absolutely awesome. We had long lay ins went out for a huge meal and behaved like newly weds going to the seaside for the evening and watching the sun set on the beach. We took a long slow walk by the river and spent a day indulging in some hardcore bondage sex.

After sucking on enough of the comfortably numb mints to paralyse the throat of an elephant I repeatedly made him a very, very happy man. He returned the favour by keeping me tied up for long stretches and making me cum, sooooo fucking hard!! With my favourite hood, ballet boots and new bra harness, I was in absolute seventh heaven. I can not go any further without giving a massive plug to the maker of the bra. I am in love with it. If you're looking for something in the breast bondage department, you have to get one of these.

The seller is usedandabused2011 on ebay, and it is the most wonderful thing you'll ever wear, it's infinitely adjustable and made me feel so controlled. Love it, love it, absolutely fucking love it!!! 

Spending time together like that really does help get my head straight about what my priorities in life should be. Put's all the niggly shit my colleague is doing today into perspective. Although for fucks sake Gary, how many times do you have to be told not to do what you just did!! but I digress. I indulged my love of the film secretary the other night, I know a lot of people look down their nose at it but I've got such a soft spot for it, I know it's massively corny but can't help but identify with it and I love the book that inspired it. Every time I hear Lizzie walter chariots rise I get goose bumps. The other song which gets me all gushy is wonder wall, it was the song du jour when me and the boss got together so in the words of simon bates it's 'our song' jesus does that fucking date me. In the current climate and the shadow of operation yew tree it's nerve wracking as to whether  you can mention any one from British tv and radio from the 70's, they are currently going down like flies but that's territory I'm not venturing into, I'm sure there are many people who'd have an axe to grind about the ethics and portrayal of women in the Brethren stories but it really is just wank fodder folks.

Just play with yourself and move on!

I'm sitting waitng for my colleague's shift to end so I've got the place to myself and can do the final edit on book 19. It's been delayed a few days so I'm probably not going to get it out until next weekend which is a bugger but days at work I thought would be free have been busy and with nice weather sitting at my lap top indoors hold little attraction and the boss and I have another long weekend coming up, which I can guarantee will be predominantly devoted to fun. We do need to get some decorating done and the front garden is a shit hole but we're far to irresponsible to spend too much time on the kind of thing.

Book 19 is a bit of an oddity. The end of every book brings on a period of doubt,'is it good enough? should I add this? should I have written that but i think because it kind of went off at a tangent I feel slightly disconnected from it. I like the content but it's almost as if I had to write it to get to book 20. I can never get started on the next story until the previous one is edited and published. It's the one little piece of self discipline I have so it's become rather entrenched. No matter how keen to get going I'm firm with myself, doesn't of course stop the ideas from flowing. In my last blog post I mentioned about enjoying playing with the concepts of cold impersonal places like institutions so this has of course got me thinking about straight jacket and the like. 

Although I love rubber I'm also very fond of canvas and leather used in the right way, I can't remember if it was the prison or the asylum where I described  some one being forced in a corset/straight jacket of wet canvas but the idea has resurfaced and I'm def going to play with it again. I keep wondering if people think the stories are still as strong, the way I write an process ideas is still the same but I'm not the person to be an objective judge about quality, for me it's all about the fun of writing them, okay the extra cash is nice but I'm not about to quit the day job yet but I need to know if i should keep going or make changes. As I'm writing the stories really turn me on but by the third edit I'm so tired of re reading it might as well be a shopping receipt for all the stimulation it gives me! 

Oh for fucks sake, who makes an iPod stand with round to it's foot!! This fucking thing is driving me nuts keeps falling over, had a brilliant one but it snapped and for the life of me I can't find the same one again!!

Lola isn't in 19 enough so I really want to bring her back to play properly in 20 and there has to be much more hard prolonged fucking. 19 is a lot about restraint and control but I want to get back to some good old sex. Found a sweet vid of a man getting fucked in the ass by a machine which I like. It's the grinding monotonous movement of a machine that's intriguing being forced to lay bound as it pounds endlessly, sliding in and out, over and over in and out!!

I was hoping I'd have a parcel waiting for me today. A couple of my new vibes have arrived but not the ones that do tricks. Annoyingly they take the small watch type batteries but there's nothing that says what size so I may end up spending just as much as if I'd bought them full price buying batteries to find what fits. The boss likes making me wear them long term until the batteries die so we get through fucking loads of batteries. The crossed cuffs I bought have turned out no to fit to well. There're too big one way but too small the other so they'll only work with thumb cuffs or something.

Oh for fucks sake Gary, go home! I've got shit to do!!!

Friday, 4 July 2014

Okay, I admit that I can't help reading my reviews and yes I get a kick out of people saying nice things about by stories but it will never cease to amaze me how bizarre some reviews can be. As I've mentioned before, my one and only review on amazon uk was from some one who was disappointed I'm not  Jeanette winterson (I know go figure!) my second review on uk is also just as special. Book one was apparently okay but his main gripe seems to be the fact he's having trouble downloading and the poor chap seems rather confused as to whether he's actually read the book or not. The advice is always not to engage when people don't give good reviews but these two aren't bad reviews as such they just don't really make any sense, ah well ce la vie! I've had some really lovely ones on goodreads and blogs so can't complain. 

Sit still and stop moaning !

I'm in a bit of a quandary however about whether to offer some of these lovely people more books in the series for free. Not, you understand because I have any doubts about giving freebies, I'm always more than happy to share my work with anyone who's willing to read and if they enjoy it all the better my worry is I don't want to appear like a nuisance. I don't want people to think I'm forcing it on them, in fact if anything I like giving a gifts (as my credit card company will tell you) and now I'm on smashwords again and can give out freebie coupons I've even been throwing a few around on whisper. For some reason I can't seem to gift on amazon, my guess is they're worried about me spreading my filth and corrupting people! So, do I contact kind reviewers and offer them the next book or does that just come across as needy?

Does I seem needy?

 I think a lot of it boils down to the fact that I'm still not actually comfortable thinking of myself as a writer, even the language makes me cringe a little, it feels like I'm showing off but maybe that's just me being a bit too English at times. As a nation we're all for people being a success just as long as they don't tell anyone about it! For example the phrase "my work" sounds horribly pretentious and the brethren stories are far too short to be called books, so where does that leave me? I read some figures once that mean technically I'm in the top 10% of Indy authors purely because I actually sell some books (and having published a 'proper' book I can say selling doesn't just happen unless you find a niche) but I guess a combination of the fact that I write such hard core filth and my own reticence means I'm never really going to be in a position to boast. Ah well yet again ce la vie.

Sometimes you've just got to lay back and accept what's happening!

I've rather gotten into whisper the last few days, you can be honest with people behaving like cocks without having to be too involved, I had to step away from reddit because it gets too heavy and Facebook has to be my everyday clean persona.  I do get a little tired of being sent cock pictures and asked for naked shots in return but it's a laugh handing out sec advice to kinky newbies and younger pervs. I'm tired today so my typing accuracy is right out the window it also means I spend as much time deleting as typing, the fact that my iPod won't behave while it's charging doesn't help, it takes on a life of it's own but it's okay, I'm powering  though today. It's my last shift before a long weekend and I can't wait. This of course also means I don't have my work head on and although I've got a fucking great to do list I'm damned if I'm going to actually do any of it. 

I'd love to do some paperwork but I'm just a bit busy at the moment! ( see I resisted using the "tied up at the moment" pun, that's cuz I'm a writer !)

Sometimes we have to be practical even when we don't want to be!

As predicted book 19 is written, even though I didn't get quite as much peace as I'd hoped, ended up sharing an office with some one who whined constantly, (thanks a bunch Ian and btw you have no right to moan you've been handed a job on a plate so shut the fuck up it's not tough and it's keeping a roof over your kids heads! But I digress) The boss and I have now got a long weekend off together so in between doing all the holiday stuff like going to the coast and treating ourselves to meals out, I should be able to get a first edit done and maybe even publish by Tuesday but if there's one thing I've learned from all this is not to count my chickens. 

My guess is that the boss wants to get some pretty hard core game play in over the weekend as well. A very necessary trip to the chiropractor left me feeling like I'd been hit by a truck last night and this led to several less than subtle comments about my being in trouble for not putting out and giving him ball ache! 

I am also aware of the purchase of a leather bondage bra

Not the actual bra but damn close!

and seeing as he's not the one with the tits in this relationship my guess is I'm going to be the one wearing it, looks fucking excellent so and can't wait to try it. The boss tends to leave his pc on so I got a glimpse of his at page, boy am I going to look fucking stupid if he gives it to some one else, although I'm probably tempting fate saying it i think when it comes to monogamy I'm pretty safe, the boss is very loyal and if I'm honest far too fucking lazy to play around! the bra will however will go very nicely with my new crossed cuffs!

I've just had a thought, is it still called a bra if it's purpose isn't to support but restrain? Should I actually be calling it a harness? I let you know after I've tried it on. Now there's a sweet thought, combining the harness with clamps!!! Oh yes, like the idea of that a lot!!! A  bonus in my wage packet meant a bit of splurging on new vibes, of course the cheap ones come from china which means waiting a while for them to be delivered but it's worth it. Over the years various remote control ones haven't been turned off properly and despite changes of batteries have died. I've ordered a voice activate one and a couple of wireless ones and a handful of little cheap ones. 

The boss has a game he likes to call "shut up and live with it" which involves me wearing a one battery wonder in my pussy or butt until it dies.

 Tied hands mean I can't remove it and as I found out the hard way, just letting it slip out means a hard core spanking, the boss has a nasty habit of not explaining the rules of a game until I break them but I must put the rest of my bonus aside for getting my sleeve finished, ink doesn't come cheap but it's something I've meant to do for a long time. I love the endorphin rush a long session in the chair brings on. The last piece I had done took roughly 6 hours and I was high as a kite by the end of it, I even kind of like the sore itchy healing part, I was always the kid who liked to pick scabs. I like pain if I'm in control of it, I've always done my own piercings for that very reason, I can damage myself till the cows come home but the thought of some one else doing it is a no no. I love the fact tattooist's chairs are just like thoughs in Dr's and dentist's.

Oooo, now that's a sweet thought, being tied to the chair while I'm tattooed!!

Book 19 kind of wandered off on a tangent and this means I need to make a decision about 20. The plan was for James to go straight to the institute where the parish council retrain subs to be a good spouse but James got way laid which means he won't get to the institute till book 20 BUT I have some ideas to do with carnivals, freaks shows and fairs. Can I be disciplined enough to take James to where he's supposed to go of do I just play it by ear?? I need to do some proper planning, this has happened before just as I think I know where I'm going something distracts me and I head off into the woods chasing butterflies!
I've become slightly fascinated by some Japanese porn just lately, I found some wonderful footage of women being use in glory holes 

and I'm def going to play with the concept, cute little disembodied ass's sticking out ready to be used, can't get much more objectified than a woman who's only parts that are exposed are the bits you can fuck! Just a set of holes held together by anonymous flesh and a pair of tits for decoration! Being able to use my iPod to write at work is a mixed blessing, yes I get a lot done but now I'm horny as hell sitting at my desk, without wishing to be crude I get through a lot of panty liners, not that I think crude is really and issue I mean if you're reading this because you've read my books you're not going to be expecting recipes are you.

Urggh! This shift is going on for ever!!! I just want to get home and get playing, I'm manning our other office today and it's deadly quiet, good for writing but annoying in that I have to stop by my usual office to pick up some parcels. I'm hoping it's the pin wheel I ordered, I was just going to use it for the cover of 19 but just as much as I snoop about on the boss's pc he creeps about on my laptop so I've been ordered to hand it over. We lost out previous one which was no bad thing because the boss does like to leave marks with the damn things. He has a keen sense of exactly where nerve endings are and understands has a tendency to look for spots where there's not much padding between skin and bone.

Oh for fucks sake!! I'm just winding myself up now, the days going to go even slower if I sit here think of all the things I want the boss to do to me

This would be a start and maybe some of this......

Oh my god today is going sooooo slowly!!