Sunday, 22 June 2014

Well, thanks to a lot of lone working shifts, a very distracted line manager and a level of horny which seems to refuse to diminish (whatever The Boss and I do) book 19 is running away with itself! The mojo isn't just rising it's in overdrive and I'm already planning out 20 in my head. I do kind of work out a rough plan of where each story is going to go but 19 is developing differently to what I had sketched out. In fact, a twist in direction has appeared which I didn't see coming and it's something I can really play with.
19 touches on what happens behind closed doors in the suburbs but I keep thinking about what happens when things don't go to plan and subs need that extra little bit of punishment and training to make them behave, maybe being sent to somewhere special and taught exactly how to behave by whatever means necessary.

Lots of subs all being trained like battery hens to be the perfect spouse! I like playing with ideas around institutions, one of my favourite stories has been the one that plays around in the asylum setting. I kind of like the ideas that go with bondage and sexual use in quite impersonal places. People being kept for one purpose, their humanity neglected and personalities crushed. 

I must make more effort to move past the Benson pics but they're just so fucking wonderful!!

Most books seem to play with people in some kind of relationship but I've rather deliberately steered away from that, it's probably part of the reason James is such a git. He really isn't a catch, which means I can make sure he doesn't get drawn into any kind of relationship. He meets a lot of other people in relationships but once I've played with the themes and activities within these relationships, I can make him walk away at the end. 

All relationships involve some elements of repetition and I want to keep on avoiding it if I can, I really don't have the self discipline to stick at writing something I'm not enjoying and making any kind of deep psychology real and worthy will take dedication and I am a really, really lazy  fucker. I don't want to have to think, I just want to enjoy pissing around and getting off (sorry folks). 

I really am trash, I am the reading equivalent of junk food. You buy me for a purpose, I'm satisfy just long enough to be fun and you'd never be honest about just how much of me you want to consume in polite company!

Okay last Benson promise!!

In fact my rather gnat like concentration span is also leading me into watching quite large quantities of bondage porn involving men. Being one of these people who wants more of everything all the time I've found that my fav sites can't keep up with my appetite so I've been wandering around the land of men in heavy rubber. The noise a victim makes really does make a big difference! Yes, I know I keep saying it but I Can't stand people pretending to act or doms and ropers talking incessantly over action. Give me some one genuinely screaming, that gagged and muffled sound of some one suffering behind sealed lips or a nice fat gag everytime. A nice one is the involuntary grunt, happens a lot with deep throating and anal, I don't mind if that comes from a man or a woman.

Guaranteed to induce grunting!

I'm especially loving rubberfreaks stuff on xtube, men pissing about with men seems to avoid a lot of the simpering ooing and ahhing that annoys me so much. I'm just not a girly girl and some aspects of being female aren't just unappealing, they are positively beyond me. Perhaps that's why I like being owned by The Boss, I can be his ideal of sexual availability without having to live up to the normal concept of femininity.

You can tell I smoke a fair bit of weed can't you. Stands out like a sore thumb with all this navel gazing and cod psychology! 

Just as well I had one rolled from last night as The Boss decided my day needed a little restriction. I am currently being punished for losing the nipple tubes he'd become so find of. No amount of pleading has convinced him I genuinely don't know where they are!! My habit of giggling at all the wrong moments made him all the more suspicious, which in turn has meant while he's out visiting his mum I'm wearing the biggest steel butt plug he could find and my wrists are chained so close to my waist I can just about type on my ipod, smoking means leaning forward into the most ridiculous position and even if I tried I may just be able to pull the plug out for a bit of respite but I doubt I'd be able to get it back in and finding I'd disobeyed him would not go down well. 

Having to tell him I'd run out of the comfortably numb mints has meant a weekend without clothes, cuffs and chains make sleeves impossible and my ass is already sore as hell, so I'm taking notice of the fact he's got a new hazel switch. 

Brace yourself honey this is going to sting!!

All this is totally getting in the way of redecorating the dining room however, which is a shame because a lot of gaming goes on in there. My spanking bench and chair are currently packed away and I'm missing them. Something about being banished to my chair is much more effective than using the everyday furniture and obviously the bench is built for a specific purpose so making do with the edges of the couch just isn't the same.

On the upside of course a week with a nice set of stinging stripes across my backside will make the week go quicker, a distracted mind is a happy one and all that. My line mangers off most of next week and I have few lone working shifts lined up. I can guarantee these will be put to good use if all I can think about is the residual pain.......... oh yes I can feel book 20 writing itself already!!!

Repeat after me, a good wife is accepting. A good wife is quiet. The institute is for my own good and the good of the Brethren....... 

Sunday, 8 June 2014

I have spent my week alternating between bliss, distraction and exhaustion. The bliss was the result of last weekend when me and The Boss ignored all obligations and duties to spend three days indulging ourselves with each other. 

I can thoroughly recommend comfortably numb blow jobs mints.

Dear god The Boss enjoyed having me all rubbered up and deep throating! 
All rubbered up and made too suck!!!

He rewarded my efforts by spanking me raw and leaving me tied to the bed for very long stretches!

Get comfy sweetie I'm going to be a while

You didn't mention you'd bought a new butt plug, 'too big' nonsense, here let me show you it's  just a matter of persistence! Bear down and stop squealing!!

I am pleased to say my new hood is divine!! It fits perfectly, I've had so many hoods that pull to hard in my chin and nose but this one was soft but confining and bagged out nicely only to pull back in making it feel enjoyably suffocating. Normally the hood is the first thing I want to take off but not this one. 

I could quite easily wear it all day, nicely blind and obedient

He also continued with his nipple obsession and after spending each morning in tubes he considered them clampable and inflicted them on me for the afternoons. 

The Boss is increasingly enjoying seeing me wince!

The boss likes routines but his slightly rain man traits come in very handy when he's putting his mind to discipline and training. He's quite happy to pays lot of attention to detail which means a lot of things become tests of endurance. I'm not into pain as such but there's that certain kind if hurt, you know the one I mean. The hurt that reminds you you're alive, make you clean while being oh so dirty! 

We drank too much, ate huge quantities of cheese cake and it was all this indulgence that lead to the distraction. Once upon a time we'd have big games which brought out all the pent up kink, although invariably leading to that oddly embarrassed feeling afterwards. That feeling you get after masturbating when you feel slightly silly for having got excited with outrageous fantasies but now as time has passed that feeling has gone and we're comfortable in our perversion, meaning it leaks out into everyday life. After getting so lived up over the weekend I just hung about wanting to keep playing. I couldn't concentrate at work and almost felt homesick just wanting to be back with the boss!! I know it's slightly sad in woman my age to moon about like a school girl but I'm fortuneate to still me in love with my husband, especially his tongue.......oh what he can do! 

Sadly however I was brought up short having to work in a different dept mid week which lead to exhaustion. Long story but it's a very different job to my usual which made me nervous and meant i didn't sleep well. The day itself left me knackered and I also bumped into a blast form the past which left me feeling unerved, leading to another sleepless night during which I had one of those dreams that really fucks with your head and leaves you feeling genuinely upset during the day. 

I have a feeling meeting this person hit me harder because playing opens up layer of vulnerability which takes time to subside. Don't get me wrong it was actually an enjoyable conversation I had with them but it made me reflect on a time in my life when I wasn't happy. This whole emotional thing in turn just fed my need to be with the boss, craving some more of that just so pain! I've come to the conclusion that it is a very fine line between being able to excise emotions with kink and self  harm. Given my past history I have a feeling if I hadn't met the boss and been able to express myself and my needs my life wouldn't have been great but that's getting way too heavy for this crappy little blog!

Playing with the themes of wife as slave and domestic discipline is making think about what constitutes the perfect home, is it 50's style wifey or something more abstract and servile?. I noticed this afternoon that having a full fridge after the asda delivery made me feel good and there's some stuff around  feeders creeping in to book 18. I also really enjoyed dressing up to please the boss last weekend but every man has a slightly differing version of what he want his wife to look like. 

I can only make the assumption that in a world like that of the brethren people would inevitably fall into communities, after all it's more fun when everyone's playing the same game! If you want an nice obedient wife then it's best she learns from examples rather than the hard way, although that would be more fun..

The hood and my rubber pants are still hanging in the bathroom door, I haven't had the heart to out them away because I just want to keep playing. I want to be spanked so fucking hard but we need to get some shit done this weekend.

In 19 I've been toying with what to do to a young female criminal currently the property of a couple who call her their little one. I have a feeling she's in for a lot of pain, the thought of her ass made black and blue and a fine switch being taken to her breasts is starting to fall into place. 

This looks appealing but personally I'd want clamps and a hood
of course in the Brethren's suburbs anything's possible and why blind and bind temporarily when you can make in permanent.

And of course what would a kept criminal be without a properly domesticated mother to take care of her!