Friday, 2 May 2014

Ok, so you can add in consistent to my list of blogging sins. The plan was to do at least a small entry each week but that soon bit the dust. I've come to the conclusion that my writing mojo and my kink are quite largely dependent on some kind biochemical element in my brain. The whole psychology of this kind of thing has fascinated me for a long time, well, brains in general are a bit of a pet subject. Having spent my working life dealing with the fall out from damaged and abnormal ones you get quite and insight but over the last few years I've been analysing my own behaviour quite a lot and can't help but ask questions about what makes me tick. I'm guessing this is a bit of an age thing.

Now your nice and comfortable lets open that head pf yours up to see what's going on!

It's the old nature versus nuture thing and I'm sure I've gone on at length in the past about how my urge to actually physically indulge in bondage etc comes and goes, I can even identify very specific life events as a child which awakened the urge to be tied up etc. Tightly pulled bed covers and a trip to the doctors, where I saw a particular picture in the Dandy comic of all bloody things spring to mind but there seem to be other more subtle influences.

The pill kills my kink stone dead!! It evens out my hormones and temperament to the point that I actually feel quite flat, spent a lot of my younger years on it and was a kink free zone, stopped the pill and it reared up with a vengance. Took it again for short time, kink disappears but in amongst all of this I've discovered that if I don't express my crazy with bondage etc it leaks out in other ways which are much more detrimental. 

We're keeping you like this so you don't hurt youself!

So what I'm actually getting too in all this is the fact that not being able to drink for the last nine days and taking anitbiotics also seems to have fucked my mojo up royally!! Without being a bore about my health (after all if that was the point of the blog I'd get my mother to write it) I had antibiotics to stop a gum being a nuisance. Now, there was no pain so I can't blame that for getting in the way and I did have a meeting which was on my mind but again, nothing significant, so all I can put my mental and emotional 'blandness' down too is the antibiotics turning the wrong switches off in my brain and not being able to turn them back on again with alcohol. Oh and before anyone else says it, no I couldn't drink on these anitbiotics, they are one of the few you can't, everybody has revelled in telling me that not drinking on anitbiotics is a myth (don't you just hate it when people think they've come up with fact you didn't know and they go into smug mode!) I've felt flat over the last few days which has meant not only has their been no blog but 18 has stalled as well. 

Last night was a my first drink and already the ideas are starting to roll again, which is a good thing because at this precise moment I've left James standing on a gantry high above a brothel waiting for Lola, it's complicated. 

I keep trying to make James a more sympathetic character but no matter how hard I try he just keeps acting like such a cunt! I know I really shouldn't use that word as an insult I should be more pc but he really is such a selfish ass hole and sooo frustratingly I still can not for the life of me picture what he looks like in my head. Every now and then if I'm stuck I look for pictures to set scenes, houses etc and I'm certainly no stranger to using the excuse of needing inspiration as a reason to watch lots and lots of porn but James face just won't come to me, everyone else but not James!

I'm afraid I've given in to my obsessive side and set up an old laptop specifically for the purpose of downloading replacements for the files I've found not to be working, I'm beginning to distrust the seagate storage. I'm not sure if the files didn't work before they were transferred but every now and then I keep finding more that just won't run and a few days ago I found some photo's were corrupt but I can only back up so much. It wouldn't hurt me to have a good clear out  and get rid of some of the stuff that really doesn't do anything for me, I have a real distaste for porn where they try to act or that awful simpering style of women in latex stroking each other kind of thing but I'm a greedy piggie and once it's downloaded I find it hard to part with it, at least hoarding files electronically doesn't take up much physical space.

Well my ducks are all in a row today, I have the office to myself the natives are quiet and my mojo's back so I am going to devote the rest of the day to torturing the brothel owners wife, I fancy playing with the idea of some hardcore rubber enclosure, I haven't done that for a while and it will lead me nicely into the weekend when I can surprise the Boss with my new rubber trousers!

So if you'll excuse me I can hear Gisellle struggling for breath, poor woman. Not even released from all that rubber once a year for her wedding anniversary. Forced to cum all wrapped up, strapped down and dragging air through that great big mask and hose!

Oh yes, mojo def back, liking the idea of some rubber and breathplay, both on and off the page...... 

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