Thursday, 20 February 2014

He's been putting the eye bolts on the bed. We didn't have time to put them on when we first put the bed together but low and behold without saying a word I notice tonight that he's been busy while I was at work. It's the little things like this that let me know that The Boss is just as into playing as I am. Knowing that he's plotting, planning and daydreaming just as much as I am makes the whole thing so much more fulfilling as the cliche goes "it's so much more fun when everyone commits!"

Bed testing can be exhausting!

Before I go any further I have to apologise to the universe, it's making me pay for being cocky. I made the mistake of feeling smug about books sales so this month karma is making me pay by letting them tank! Sorry universe.

I'm sorry universe, on my knees begging forgiveness!

I've taken a bit if risk, a friend on face book, one of those very distant friends who you make contact with in a group and come to like asked if she'd every get to read my stuff so, other than The Boss she is now the only person who knows both sides of me. She's absolutely adamant that she won't tell a soul and that she's unshockable but I guess only time will tell. It's amazing what people think is a liberal attitude but if something's beyond your imagination then It doesn't exist for you. I listened to a very odd conversation between two colleagues one day discussing what constituted hardcore in pornography. Lets just say their boundaries are much lower than mine. 

I think I've mentioned before that I'm not into scat in any way but I keep musing about forced piss drinking, I find the best way to move on from this kind of fascination is to write about it. Another handy side effect of writing is it helps me to purge obsessions that would otherwise get out of control and cost me a fortune in impulsively buying gear I use once then end up bunging back on eBay. Also The Boss can be very set in his ways and introducing new gear isn't always successful. If something is too complicated or it doesn't catch his attention he won't use it.

I have no desire to drink piss anywhere other than in my imagination but I have a very satisfying little stash of movies which are getting a lot of play at the moment. It would be very easy to get navel gazy about the motivations and psychology of why this should be so but I'd even bore myself with that! I'm doing some training at the moment about schemas and motivation so it's kind of on my mind but I will do my best to avoid getting too contemplative. I'm a bit detached from work and the real world at the moment not sure if it's just a touch or winter low energy or what but all I ever want to do is be home, preferably in bed with The Boss. 

Fortuneatly I have a long weekend off from work and I intend to act on this urge, time for the Boss and I to test drive the bed. It is a very nice feeling to wake up in a bed knowing that one padlock could force me to stay in that bed and be used any time The Boss fancies! Perhaps that's it, my bed is just to much of a distraction for me to function I need to use it properly and a lot so the novelty wears off!

I need some skin time with The Boss. Until then I shall play with leather concepts in book 17. Soft wet, shrinking cocoons of leather which mold limbs. Deform bend and immobilise them. Creating animals by breaking humans and confining them.

I am really having to try and talk myself out of getting a vac bed. I should save my book money buy something sensible or invest in the house but it's a vicious circle, I obsess about bondage so write about it, writing about it makes me obsess about it and because the books bring in some money I can afford to by groovy toys with the money I make which in turn makes me obsess etc etc. not a bad position to be in though.

I tell you what universe, if you let me sell enough books to buy a vac bed I promise I'll save next month....maybe because I am so into the idea of buying more latex trousers.

Monday, 10 February 2014


I know I've posted a picture before but I am so fucking happy with it that I couldn't resist posting again. Not only is it so good to get rid of the creaky old divan that's been driving me nuts for months but we've once again got a bed that doesn't need setting up for play time, everything is just there waiting to be used. My bed has a set of stocks at either end, how cool is that!! it is an absolute monster weighs a tonne and is sooo comfy. Granted it took forever to put together and by the time the boss had done we were too knackered to get up to much but we had fun christening it......more fun will be had no doubt! The Boss took great pleasure in pointing out that because the fixtures on the bed and my collar are both permanent it would only take a single padlock to keep me just where he wanted me, for as long as he wants!

Book 17 is going slowly and seems to be taking on a life of it's own, it's gone a bit out doorsy. 

Each time I move on to a new book I makes some notes and think I know what's going to happen but 9 times out of 10 they get away from me and almost seem to take on a life of their own. Just as I thought I knew what was going to happen next Agatha began shouting and all of a sudden the whole thing took a left turn and I'm dealing with this......

It will lead to a lot of this kind of thing

and ultimately lots of this

 and this

I worked out the other day that if I keep writing at the rate I am I should be able to give up work when I'm in my 50's instead of having to wait till in 67 for my state pension. That's a nice thought and enough to make all the niggles of my day job seem a little less important :-) Now if I can just get the procrastination under control I'm sorted!

Saturday, 1 February 2014

I'm odd this is established fact! Technically when it comes to actual sex I'm a bottom but when I'm collecting and watching porn I do it on the basis of how the subject suffers. I'm a chicken about pain and discomfort but love watching others being out through the ringer. I've always wondered if maybe the only reason I'm a bottom is because I'm too lazy to be a top (looks like a lot of hard work!) I also have a feeling that if I unleashed the beast I'd probably do some one some one some serious damage. I've got a sadistic streak, in fact I can identify times when I've been very deliberately down right awfully cruel (many many times and quite regularly if truth be told!!).

I get a buzz out of being mean in everyday life but not sexually, when I'm watching porn I'm putting my mind into that of the victim, I look and think I'd like stuff done to me rather than doing it to some one, told you I'm odd but enough of this very navel gazing.

The gloom that's been hanging over me is waning, The Boss being The Boss certainly helped, he insisted I wait for him cuffed and gagged on the bed, got my timing wrong so when he finally came upstairs I'd done neither, hard core spanking ensued. Jesus my ass stung! Meant it took ages to get to sleep but it seemed to lift my mood the next day.

This raises the question, does this kind of behaviour fulfil an emotional need in that, some one taking the time to do this thing to me means they care? Does it release some kind of endorphins I need to keep my brain on an even keel? Or is the activity just extreme enough to distract me from the negative thought cycle I'm stuck in? Answers on a post card, enquiring minds need to know!

My first one star review and it's fab

 Wrong Foot 31 January 2014
I picked up on this title because the title, The Brethren, expecting something along the lines of "Not All Fruit Are Oranges". Instead I found sheer sadism without a plot. Shan't bother with the others.

A) who starts a series at book 12?
B) does he mean the Jeanette winterson novel "oranges are not the only fruit"
And if so
C) how do you make the assumption that a story with a blurb that talks explicitly about bondage and fetish would be in any way similar?

I think he may be doing me a favour, I know I'd buy a book that promised no plot would get in the way of some hard core nasty.

Well this is just useless without a plot!!

I received a very nice pair of rubber pants and dress in the post yesterday, the Boss had the look of a kid at Christmas when I handed him the package to open, he made lots of happy little mutterings about the smell and spent an awful lot time trying to get comfortable!! Once the switch has been flicked all it takes is the odd sly look to keep him ticking over all evening. It's usually after a few hours of me winding him up he snaps and gets spanking to be back in control of his own hard on!

Well if I'm not careful I'm going to waste 18 hours of potential writing time. I'm manning the fort here at work on my own all weekend so time to exercise some self discipline and get writing!!!

Update: Wasted almost an entire shift looking for shoes online, doh!