Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Today could not have got off to a better start. Because I made such a pigs ear of signing up too goodreads I don't often visit but out of curiosity I had a look this morning and was delighted to find that I've got a guardian angel, a reviewer has taken me under their wing and not only have they given me wonderful five star reviews for most of my books but they've also sorted them out into a series, linked them to me and replaced those awful old covers. I could kiss them!! What a star, just to know that they enjoyed my books was flattery enough but this is truly above and beyond. As a thank you I'm going to make sure they always get a free copy of any more books, just as soon as I learn how to convert to mobi. I think i'm going to go back to smashwords when the select terms up, neither really make anything extra but at least if i'm on smash i've got a back up in case amazon boot me off for being too rude! As I say it was the most awesome start to the day but of course I did what I always do when I'm on a high and got cocky. I pushed my luck and may have to do some back tracking at work but ce la ve!! I never fucking learn! Throughout my life I have heard the phrases "own worst enemy" and "there's always one" so often. My psychology is a mystery even to me. I have a colleague who's convinced I'm a sociopath, she keeps sneaking questions from psyche tests into conversation and I'm begining to wonder if there may at least be a mild personality disorder surfacing every now and then. Even I look at my work and wonder what the fucks going on. I'm never sure if I'm mentally putting myself in the place of the women, who lets face it probably wouldn't survive what I do to them or if I'm getting off on watching them suffer. Is there such a thing as a submissive sadist? Or am I a sadistic sub. As I've said before I can trace earliest kinky leaning easily, I can identify specific events which triggered physical reactions but there are grey areas That are taking much much longer for me to get my head around. I can be cold to the point of cruelty about humans suffering but anything about animals even getting hurt let alone being the victims of abuse turns me into a hysterical mess ( I turn off RSPCA ads and refuse to watch nature documentaries). I'm squeamish about pain but
Spend my midnight hours thinking about just how much I want my boss to hurt me. I'm a selfish snotty type but ache to be owned. Ok so maybe blogging after alcohol leads to self indulgence.

Got a few thousand words done for the 'proper' novel over the weekend which I'm pleased with but now I have a dilemma. My main character in my 'novel' is half way through a murder, it is the climax of the story we're talking monologing crescendo here, the book will end in a matter of chapters which is a really odd place to put it on hold but I really want to get stuck into 17 of the brethren. I want to play with Joseph, there hasn't been anywhere near enough actual hands on sex. I think I'll let him and James run amuck with pet girls and milkers

This has a certain appeal, something about the relentlessness?

Joseph one end of a pretty a pet girl with James up to his balls in the other perhaps. 

My mother had me tested but I think they were checking for the wrong things!!

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