Thursday, 30 January 2014

Well the plan was to do a bit of blogging last night but having had a couple of less than stellar days at work it was probably just as well I didn't, it would have turned into a bit of a gloomy moan. Because of the crappy days at work my writing mojo has also been seriously out of whack but today lo and behold another good review on good reads has lifted me beyond words!!! Bollocks to the ass holes at head office some one enjoyed one of my books and that means more than whether or not you guys appreciate me. I can't claim I'm being picked on or anything, if I'm honest I've made a bit of a prat of myself but as fuck the lot of them. I need to keep reminding myself that it's just a job and not to take it so bloody seriously.

It fascinates me that so many people claim to live the lifestyle 24/7, I can only assume they either have no responsibilities or perhaps my mojo is just really easily knocked off kilter. I have a tendency to obsess about things until I lose sleep, it's not so bad when it's something to do with writing or kinky shit going round and round in my head but it's fucking annoying when it's work stuff. It doesn't help that I'm really no good at letting shit go when people annoy me. I also tend to be a bit of a tin toy, people wind me up and then let me go, all it takes is for some one to feed me info and I'll go charging off without thinking. I've lost count how many times I've promised myself I'll use my head and, lets be honest grow up, but here I am 42 and still an idiot so I'm probably best off just too accepting the fact and sit back to enjoy the ride!

Another review on goodreads was complimentary but was honest enough to admit that my writing style wasn't her kind of thing. She said she didn't engage because there was very little emotional connection with the subs. She is of course absolutely right. Although the whole brethren thing has been a bit of an experiment, if I had anything in mind it was to write quite bloodless porn. I don't enjoy romance and if I'm quite honest struggle with affection in the real world, so the whole thing has been very selfishly geared towards what I like to read myself. The Boss is the romantic in our relationship and naturally a very caring and affectionate kind of guy so I think at times he feels quite neglected, I don't even like foreplay unless it's part of a session. People think I'm kidding when I say I don't do hugging. The number of colleagues who have grabbed me as a joke have no idea how close they've come at times to a smack in the mouth. Saying I have autistic tendencies is the understatement of the century, my guess is if I tried to write some kind of deeper feelings into the stories it would come off as awkward and false. We quite frequently joke that there's more than a passing resemblance between me and Sheldon cooper from the Big Bang theory and trust me he is Soooo Leonard!! Have I said this in a post before? I'm becoming aware that I may be posting the same pictures on occasions but I'm going to blame the seagate for that, takes ages for gallery view to load so quite often I lose patience and stop looking for the picture I had in mind, so please accept my sincerest apologies for any repetition.

I'm working over the weekend which is usually an ideal time to get some writing done but I also need to get some actual work done (made the mistake of taking on some extra responsibility now I'm regretting it) I think need to come up with a plan. I'm off today and tomorrow so I'll get all the household stuff done, Friday I'm at work my manger will be in so I'll do the serious stuff then so I look good and busy then I'll have my nice long weekend shifts all to myself so poor old James and Joseph can finally get out of the sun.

I have feeling the rest of today might be a right off, I'm writing this while sitting waiting for an X-ray (nothing serious just a niggling ankle injury) but much as I hate to say it the old man sitting next to me smells so badly of dried wee all I can think of is dirty hamster cages. Nothing like the waft of old amonia to  make you feel queasy. Shame because I quite like hospitals, it's something to do with the equipment. I think it's the kinky mindset. Perfectly ordinary practical items look different through s&m eyes.

To most people a hoist is just a hoist but I see straps and chains. I can't help myself looking a wheel chairs and working out in my head if you could strap some one in so they couldn't get out. Once upon a time I worked in an environment that had lots of assistive technology, leg braces, cervical collars, that type of thing and it could be very hard to concentrate at times.

A bit of hint to my profession there. I think I've said before that it's not compatible to any kind of alternative life style because I have responsibility over very vulnerable individuals and it will stay like that until such time as the average human mindset can separate the idea of s&m sex from abuse but that won't be in my life time. Hopefully the  legalisation of weed will but that's a different story.

When I first started to introduce the Boss to my darker side he commented on how it made him start to look at things differently. I can remember him bursting through the door to show me a photos of Liz Hurley in the sun because he'd spotted she was wearing ballet boots! He wouldn't have noticed just a week before but as we keep joking to each other when we spot something in the mainstream media, on tv or in a film that has that double entendre style kinky under tone "it gets everywhere!".

Saturday, 25 January 2014

I have to make it clear that I don't have a lot of money, I know I go on a lot about stuff I want to buy but that's because I'm irresponsible with money rather than because I have lots to spare.The boss and I both work, we have minimal out goings, no kids and with the little bit extra from book sales it means I have a bit of spare to buy the kinky luxuries. 

This payday I'm obsessing with, more rubber clothes, I'm looking at pants and long skirts (I fancy covering myself in flowing layers) and some more enema gear. I've been using a very stylish European style can for ages but I'm seriously considering a new bag with a retention balloon. I should put the money into savings but no matter how sensible I know deep down I should be I'm afraid sensible just isn't in my nature.

It's felt like a long week, fortuneatly I had a few big chunks of down time at work to get my 'proper' novel finished but today is a wash out. I was obliged to go to a works do last night and there was no way I could get drunk so I ended up drinking way way way too much caffeine to keep up and getting to sleep was a nightmare. The sum total of my activity today has been to measure my thighs so I can order some new rubber pants and paint my nails. Thighs big nails blue!

Book 17 is making my brain itch, because I've given my spare time over to my other writing project James et all are all left standing out in the sun waiting to move. I'm def going with the pet girl and animal angle but I want to explore the idea of more psychological training going in to create them. Steinmetz is able to mutilate bodies and make monsters but at the moment I'm curious about the idea of punishment, training and endless repition as a means of conditioning some one into truly believing they're no more than a degraded animal. What's more effective, altering a body so some one has too crawl on all fours to move or restricting their mind and body for so long that that's all their capable of?  And my guess is different owners would want different things. For some, the thought of the person still having their wits about them, a human in an animal body of you like would be a turn on but for others it would be about having a genuine pet and if that wasn't complicated enough what would be a bigger kick, the thought that some ones personality and free will had been instantly obliterated by some one like steinmetz or that they'd suffered as it was eroded like water drip drip dripping and wearing away a stone.

I was looking for something to fit into my training idea and spotted this, I soo want to use this theme soon.

I keep thinking that it's a bit of a cheek me using other people's art and photo's to decorate my blog but I can't draw and you sooo don't want to see me in the raw!

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Today could not have got off to a better start. Because I made such a pigs ear of signing up too goodreads I don't often visit but out of curiosity I had a look this morning and was delighted to find that I've got a guardian angel, a reviewer has taken me under their wing and not only have they given me wonderful five star reviews for most of my books but they've also sorted them out into a series, linked them to me and replaced those awful old covers. I could kiss them!! What a star, just to know that they enjoyed my books was flattery enough but this is truly above and beyond. As a thank you I'm going to make sure they always get a free copy of any more books, just as soon as I learn how to convert to mobi. I think i'm going to go back to smashwords when the select terms up, neither really make anything extra but at least if i'm on smash i've got a back up in case amazon boot me off for being too rude! As I say it was the most awesome start to the day but of course I did what I always do when I'm on a high and got cocky. I pushed my luck and may have to do some back tracking at work but ce la ve!! I never fucking learn! Throughout my life I have heard the phrases "own worst enemy" and "there's always one" so often. My psychology is a mystery even to me. I have a colleague who's convinced I'm a sociopath, she keeps sneaking questions from psyche tests into conversation and I'm begining to wonder if there may at least be a mild personality disorder surfacing every now and then. Even I look at my work and wonder what the fucks going on. I'm never sure if I'm mentally putting myself in the place of the women, who lets face it probably wouldn't survive what I do to them or if I'm getting off on watching them suffer. Is there such a thing as a submissive sadist? Or am I a sadistic sub. As I've said before I can trace earliest kinky leaning easily, I can identify specific events which triggered physical reactions but there are grey areas That are taking much much longer for me to get my head around. I can be cold to the point of cruelty about humans suffering but anything about animals even getting hurt let alone being the victims of abuse turns me into a hysterical mess ( I turn off RSPCA ads and refuse to watch nature documentaries). I'm squeamish about pain but
Spend my midnight hours thinking about just how much I want my boss to hurt me. I'm a selfish snotty type but ache to be owned. Ok so maybe blogging after alcohol leads to self indulgence.

Got a few thousand words done for the 'proper' novel over the weekend which I'm pleased with but now I have a dilemma. My main character in my 'novel' is half way through a murder, it is the climax of the story we're talking monologing crescendo here, the book will end in a matter of chapters which is a really odd place to put it on hold but I really want to get stuck into 17 of the brethren. I want to play with Joseph, there hasn't been anywhere near enough actual hands on sex. I think I'll let him and James run amuck with pet girls and milkers

This has a certain appeal, something about the relentlessness?

Joseph one end of a pretty a pet girl with James up to his balls in the other perhaps. 

My mother had me tested but I think they were checking for the wrong things!!

Saturday, 18 January 2014

I spent so long ummming and ahhing about whether it not to get busy with the toys today I ended up not using anything but on the plus side I finally got book 16 out (sorry, story not book, book makes it sound far worthier than it is) I always make a point of putting some work into my non porn writing in between producing the Brethren stuff but at the moment I really want to get working on 17. I can see everyone standing out side in the sunshine and I know exactly where I want them to go, unless I get it written down it's just going to rattle around in my head stopping me from thinking of anything else.

I always have two stories running in my head but sometimes one dominates and drives me nuts if I don't let it run. It's like having two films rolling, it's as if their both are already written I just have to write them down as they playout. One stopping while the other starts and vice versa. Sorry if I ramble by the way it's gone midnight and I've succumbed to liquer! I keep thinking of Gord style pets for 17. Feels like the end of an era now the man himself has passed, Gord was my introduction to real bondage and his books are amongst my prized possessions. I fell in love with curiosity tamed the Kat and still have my original copy, battered and much read. It really does adhere to the cliche of falling open at just the right page. I always found the website a mixed bag, absolutely wonderful things combined with some stuff that was just that bit too tame for me. As I say loved the books, the Benson illustrations pure joy but turning women into motorised vehicles has never really been my bag but the man was an innovator.

This idea obsessed me for weeks!

Another favourite 

Got to love Benson

This liquer is going down far too easily, I have a feeling the boss will be late to bed tonight he's busy noodling around mixing on his pc and he always get engrossed. I like to watch porn once he's asleep so I may be in for a late night. I have a really set ritual which means having to wait till he's asleep so if he's late coming up I'm late getting off. I also have to confess I've been dipping into the beta blockers late at night. I made a little discovery after taking them for driving lessons, they make for nice rolling orgasms, once upon a time we used to get shit faced and have long nights of hard sex after taking shit we bought in little pieces of paper, old habits die hard. I'm a woman of appetites, many and varied But remember don't try this at home kids!!!

Friday, 17 January 2014

And yet another day spent avoiding getting book 16 edited!! After the best deep enemas received whilst wearing the nipple tubes, I kept them on to finish off cleaning the kitchen and bathroom adding two sets of Ben wa balls just to make sure my day off didn't get at all boring. With one set in my ass and the other making me wet as hell sitting still wasn't high on my list of priorities. Tomorrow I think I'll give that nice big butt plug some time, working shifts has the advantage of getting days off to myself.

I definetly think I'm going to use the pear on the next cover, at least that's one claim to authenticity I have. I'm not resorting to airbrushed nudes, the gear on my covers had seen real action.

I'm contemplating exploring some pet girls in book 16 heavy on the body mod perhaps? I'm aware that my writing borders a bit too much on horror but if I'm honest I'm writing what turns me on so I guess I'm just a sick fuck.

The boss and I watched a documentary on masking the other night, he's got a trunk with masking gear in but he's sort of gone off it, now he knows he can order me to suck cock whenever he likes. Guess it was more a thing for his bachelor days. I've never really deviated from my kink path, right from an early age I can remember being aroused by tightly tucked sheets and have a very vivid memory of seeing a picture in a comic while at the dr's which stuck in my mind. I was only about five and in this comic a bad guy was cocooned by a giant spider. I can remember not bring able to think about anything for days. The image combined with the fact I loved going to the dr made for a powerful cocktail and of course I'm of the age when that iconic Hawaii 50, isolation tank scene was about, how many thousand of us have that to thank for some early fetish imprinting. Wasn't till I married the boss that I was able to act on my urges with any kind of success. Before it was all hidden books and a desperately unsuccessful sex life with a first husband who preferred banging away monotonously for hours rather than any thing extreme or subversive. I can remember a friend complaining when I was a kid that all I wanted to do was play games that involved people being tied up, I think in retrospect she had a point.

Ok I have to wait for a delivery tomorrow so I can't get too caught up playing, or at least can't do anything that would be obvious or incapacitate me so maybe I'll be able to knuckle down and finally get 16 out.

I'm toying with the idea of getting a bardex style enema nozzle, I want to play around with retention. I really should start putting my book money away for a rainy day or at least do something useful with it but it's a bit of a catch 22. I like writing stories that make me horny, I get horny so I buy more bondage gear, I get more gear I want to play more, if I can't play I write and when I write I get horny and round it goes again. The boss of course is more than happy for me to spend the money on what I want because he reaps the benefits of all this catch 22 need!! I mean I'm not going to be able to retire any time soon on my book money but it's been a real boon for my sex life! I'm a dirty bitch and should be ashamed. My work colleagues sit around worrying about there career prospects while I daydream about being fucked hard in the ass while tied to a bench, I have less wrinkles than they do, so I must be doing something right xx

Thursday, 16 January 2014

I think I should blog more after a glass of wine. The stuff I write in the mornings is so bloody bland but funnily enough I write my best story pieces when I'm writing at work. 

I noticed what a contradiction there is between my books and this blog. They really are out there when this is tame as hell. Same go's for my actual bondage play with the boss and what I describe. Two 40 something nobodies who still giggle at the sight of each others genitals vs the uber sadist who judges hard core bondage porn by the quality of the woman's suffering, also I'm a total wuss about pain. Oh how I wish I could put some some glamour into the fb peaches persona, never mind I'll borrow some one else's. 

Absolutely astounded by how long it's taking me to get book 16 out!!! I mean for fucks same I even had a week off work to get it done but I think I'm even further behind schedule than normal I mean how the hell have I managed to do that? Still had tired eyes which slowed things down but that's not much of an excuse. Granted I did spend most of my week off with the the boss's cock down my throat which makes it tough to get much done! We are both in that post game loved up frame of mind. My guess is we'll have to have another prolonged session when the new bed arrives end of January, well, we have to christen it don't we. A bed with built in stocks, every subs dream!!

Speaking of being loved up I've had two more absolutely stunning reviews on goodreads I am over the moon and so so flattered. Even more so because they're from some one very well respected. I thought I'd annoyed them when I first joined because another reviewer (luv you Ella but you are nuts!) seems to be starting a row over one of my books but wow, they have my story's a try and I actually have a fan. This is all a bit amazing really seek g as I only started publishing almost as part of a dare. Life can be strange.

It's going to be so hard no to obsess about my new bed, I want it sooo badly and given how well the last session went it can not come soon enough.

Bed due any time after the 20th book due by Saturday night when I get to see if I pass the censors just one more time. Publishing porn on amazon is like trying to avoid a T. rex, all you can do is stand quietly in the corner and hope it doesn't spot you. 

Day off work tomorrow, after a good clean I'm going to do the house work and editing. The application of nipple clamps and a butt plug will make it that bit more fun xx

Friday, 10 January 2014

I have to be careful how I start this because if I start by saying "oh sorry to keep you waiting" it makes me sound really arrogant, as if I believe there are people waiting with baited breath to find out how our game ended and we all know even you're just here because of a random google hit :-)

The delay in finishing, believe it or not, has not been to create any suspense, it's not been to be dramatic, it's been because by Sunday my eyes were killing me!! I know ridiculous isn't it. I'd spent so long editing pissing about and just generally noodling around on my laptop that my eyes were killing me. Everytime I looked at the screen they watered like hell, I also think wearing a blindfold on and off during the week didn't help.

Sweaty eyelids are a bugger!!!

Anyway, by late Saturday night I'd Sucked The Boss dry (literally) and my latex clothes had become my second skin. You know that point where you can't move it and any pulling or shifting drags at your skin, that's the point of perfection to me, almost when you've almost become one with the rubber, nice! 

I got onto all fours in front of my beloved Boss and began to beg, he left me down there till my knees ached and after giving me a world class spanking, I lost count at 22.

He agreed to make me cum!

I put my ballet boots on and he tied me down too the bed, mitts secured to my collar, a belt holding by elbows to my sides he chained my ankle cuffs to the edge of the bed and left me. My ass was stinging like crazy and it felt like he let me stew for hours but I have no idea because all I could do was stare at the ceiling.

He came back and brought the vacuum tubes with him. He secured them in place and told me to get begging again, he said he wasn't impressed, settled the ring gag behind my teeth, slipped on the blindfold and once again left me to stew.

It didn't take long for me to slip into sub space. That blissful feeling when you have no control of your body and the lines between where body, restraints and latex merge blur. 

My ass was still burning and my nipples throbbing so when The Boss returned gave the tubes another twist and unzipped my crotch I was struggling not to cum, the cold air was enough to push me close to the edge. 
The Bosses tongue did the job in the end, it was absolute heaven, one of those awesome earth shattering orgasms.......the second one he forced on me with the vibrator was agony and it felt as if it would never end.

Sunday I washed the gear powdered and packed it away, Monday I went to work with rubber burns on my knees and my ass still sore. The corners of my mouth a little bloody, made themselves known whenever I smiled and when my colleagues asked what I'd done over Christmas I'd say "not much". I thoroughly recommend the vacuum tubes btw, my nipples remained sensitive till Tuesday!!

The Boss and I are all loved up, our 'special' bed will be delivered soon and of course we'll have to test it thoroughly!!!

If I get my act together I might be able to get book 16 out by Sunday...............................

I'd love to be one of these ultra cool s&m divas who eats sleeps and breathes sexual excess but I'm not, I can't even get organised enough to pretend I am.

Monday, 6 January 2014

Saturday was the big finish, The Boss gave me strict instructions and by 2pm I was dressed to the nines in black rubber. Shirt, trousers, corset, black boots and big fat butt plug for good measure and so began the adoration and polishing. I love the polishing, makes me feel very special.

Ok, not me but you really wouldn't get much out of seeing the real me!

The Boss is fussy beyond belief about my latex gear being perfect, so I had to stand for ages while he sprayed and polished every single inch. A giggle earned me a spank and my lips being locked, once he was happy with his work I was placed on the bench and informed that for now I was to keep still and be decorative! 

However despite his plan to be all mean and aloof, the sight of an offered ass got the better of him pretty quickly The Boss replaced the butt plug with his cock. 

Latex is like catnip to The Boss makes him a bit crazy, when I'm all dressed up he just can't help himself.I like that, makes me feel like the sexiest woman in the world (personally I think I look like an inflatable but it floats his boat, so I can't argue).

Got shit loads of writing done, rubber is not a practical garment for being too busy so basically sat on my ass typing, cock sucking or being fucked. By late afternoon The Boss was referring to the bench (which he thought was a waste of time) as 'his' bench and just couldn't hold himself back any longer.

I however was made to wait...

Sunday, 5 January 2014

I have crap nipples, I would love nice pert boobs with proper cute looking nipples. I have however made a discovery, the nipple sucker, tube, things I bought go a long way to making what I have got impossible to ignore. A) Because they way more than double in size and B) Because they become soooooo fucking sensitive.

I was a good girl and by Fridays deadline was not only wearing my nice big butt plug but also the pear. The guy delivering the groceries had no idea. Pussy and ass feeling good and loaded with a serious amount of steel I stood on the doorstep quite merrily chatting about the weather!!

The Boss decided this was far too much freedom, so as soon as the door was closed he locked my mouth shut using my lip piercing, the nose shackle and a padlock.

Cuffed my hands behind my back and got busy with the tubes, bastard!! Rule is, if my lips are locked I'm not allowed to make a sound and apparently whimpering is now a justification for a spanking. It was a vicious circle, a tiny squeak earned a spank or another twist! Maintaining absolute silence while your nipples are aching like hell, your butt cheeks are burning and some one is fucking you hard in the ass is tough.

 As I've said before The Boss is a pretty gentle guy but he does love to play the bad guy, there was a lot of "goon scream ya bitch so I can smack you again".

Once he'd knackered himself out I got to keep the cuffs and shackle on, lips were unlocked but I had to ask permission to have my wrists and ankles freed if I wanted to do anything other than sitting in my chair with my feet together and my hands behind my back!

Oh how he loves to make me beg, he gets this smug little grin, which is infuriating!

Sleeping was an absolute fucking night mare, I was allowed to have my ankles connected by a chain (only about a foot long mind you) but my hands we're padlocked together in front. Now ordinarily I quite like sleeping like this but with my nipples still throbbing from the tubes it was impossible to get comfortable.

Every time I moved or the duvet touched them it was agony. The slightest thing made them stand to attention and ache. 

About midnight, I dared to break The Boss's rule about no self pleasure, I thought he was asleep, he caught me. 

Amazing how a man can go from snoring to spanking in seconds, just what I needed to make things even better, a stinging pair of cheeks and wrists now secured behind my back.

Surprise, surprise no writing done!!!

Saturday, 4 January 2014

Thursday he went nuts!! I was informed in no uncertain terms that he wasn't impressed by my moaning and was left a nice fat set of instructions. By 3pm I had to be: Naked, blindfolded, ankles cuffed together, wrists cuffed behind my back. He let me sit like that for what felt like ages then made me kneel, fucking my face like he paid for it.

Then an hour on the bench with that nice fat butt plug, sitting pretty. Very mean with the lube! Didn't dare say so. I got spanked for moaning about his hangover, not calling him sir enough and not doing a tidy job shaving!! 10 strikes for each and had to say thank you for it. Damn I was sure h broke the skin, hope is palm stung.

Given the privledge off enough freedom to cook a meal, yay for me. Then I was ordered onto the bed. Had to suck him off to be let out of this kind of thing (butt plug still in place) only to be turned over and

Stayed like this till he came up to bed. 

Upside, he made me cum soooo hard with a vibrator.
Downside, afterwards he came on my face, let it dry before releasing me 
and made me thank him for doing it!!

Got no writing done
Not only does the The Bosses plan to have me blog as a means 'exposure' have a fatal floor in the fact that no one reads this but the other than proving we're idiots and deeply uncool it's impossible to type with your hands cuffed behind your back. You're the one who's kept me tied up genius so stop moaning I'm not 'exposing' myself enough.

After making good use of the bench Tuesday night we set about seeing in the new year with champagne and vodka shots, nice! 

Drink up sweetie!

New years day started slowly a pair of hangovers meant we didn't really do much. A low energy day, which I moaned about. This fact did not escape The Boss (who also didn't appreciate my laughing myself stupid because I was tied to the bench and blindfolded, meaning he had to clear up what the cat brought up in the hall!)  but fuck did he make me pay Thursday!!!

The Doll from the museum has reappeared in Steinmetz clinic, poor Dolly. Things aren't going well for her. When I wrote about her owner before he seemed ok, turns out he's a bit of a bastard!! It's looking like book 16 is going to come out next weekend, my idea of getting loads written has not quite panned out but as I say. it's tough to type in handcuffs!!!

Friday, 3 January 2014

Now,  The Boss had a grand plan, he had the idea that he wanted me to confess all here on my blog and I was happy to do it but I had to ask him whether he wanted me to write some deep and sexy pieces talking about feelings, emotions and stuff or the truth? So I'm sorry if anyone thought they were going to get meaningful musings on bondage and submissions but we're a pair of 40 something kinksters, not especially attractive a bit over weight and no matter how hard we try we can't maintain uber cool S&M personas, we try but it always just leads to giggling!!

So this is what's happening, the truth

Oh dear god he is in a spank happy mood this week!! Tuesday afternoon was spent on the bench while he made my ass burn, he's also very pleased to discover that it's the perfect fucking height!!

Okay, this obviously isn't me but trust me the only person who wants to see me naked is The Boss, so lets just pretend it is!

He left me secured tot he bench for sooo long and then apparently I didn't beg hard enough to be released so got spanked again. Considering how much he hummed and ahh'd about whether we had room for the bench he sure seems to be bonding with it!!! 

My ass was still stinging by the time we toasted the new year, we drank champagne under the stars and watched the neighbours fireworks but the dog started freaking out so we had to go back indoors!! We are just so fucking glamorous....