Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Okay, so Facebook won't let me be Fb Peaches, or Peaches in any form. So I'm Peach Brethren, come say hi.

Happy new year and thank you all so much for your support


Sunday, 14 December 2014


I am such a fucking amateur!!!

Thinking of letting Fb lose on facebook?

Sunday, 7 December 2014

I spent a good part of yesterday making the effort to put together a blog post but it was shite, absolute boring unadulterated shite. Another moan about life getting in the way of writing, about not getting to grips with one drive and losing a couple of days work. 

About my coworkers being a fucking nightmare to organise in a crisis. Sorry AC girls and MSL but you deserve to lose your jobs! You've been getting away with the same old crap for far too long and if any fuckers getting to stay on the higher pay scale it's me, I've worked like a fucking dray horse for ten years while the rest of you have sat on your ass's flicking through eBay day after day, I've done looking after you all, clearing up your mess and covering your mistakes. I don't care if you like me any more! (Sorry had to get that off my chest) followed by a bit of drooling over some new toys I want, but I was bored writing it let alone consider it readable. 

And no matter how brief a moan about a crappy keyboard slowing up writing and the incompatibility of my nice apple keyboard and my new tablet it's still boring. It's true though, using a key board with a nice action does make for faster typing. My nails slide off the cheap shit keys, horrible thing. All this technology and I'm back on my iPod, tablets a faff, and I can use my iPod sitting cross legged and comfy in my armchair (still waiting for my new one Argos however, as this ones falling apart!!).

Any way, I've reset the switches with bourbon, weed a long weekend and Fb's nearly back on line!! The plan was to spend four days solid writing but we've spent the time just totally decompressing and doing absolutely fuck all, the Boss has picked up a new game and I've been either staring into space or watching new ripper street. 

Just sitting around staring into space, bet you can't get a chair like this from Argos!

Not big on the series as such just like the cast being manly! I've tried casting all of them all James time from time to but he's just so much of a ass no ones face seems to fit him. He's not the even an anti hero he's just a selfish horny fuck wit what can I say. My guess is 22 will come out closer to Christmas rather than the usual bi monthly output.

I admit it, I am a grotesque, horribly shallow and prone to only feeling alive when doing all the wrong things and being put in a position where I have to constantly worry about what others think of me makes me feel numb I don't like numb. I'm sure there are wonderful quotes about being true to oneself but I can't be bothered to find one so have picture instead

Anything, do anything to me rather than leaving me feeling numb, I can't cope with feeling numb!

Once I started to chill and feel more like me, I realised James needed to do the same thing, because, as I'm sure I've said before the stories aren't planned as such and just reflect the shit in my head at the time. It's all basically me writing down my masturbatory fantasy's rather than letting them drift away on the wave of shame and hormones that most do. If I'm tense things get overwrought and unclear for James too. 

Oddly enough even though my brain has been occupied with real world shit 22 is still coming along okay, a heavy but realistic scene has kept me going in fact it's become something I'm quite pleased with but I've got all kinds ideas creeping around in my head now, even the bones of another proper novel are starting to form a skeleton.

22 begins with some breast play I'm very pleased with and

I keep hearing the sound of duct tape, the rip and burr, thinking about smoothing it over a mummy. The faint rustle of the occupant trying to escape, or maybe even some more hard core mummification style suffering.

I keep thinking about bruises, I've been so wrapped with real life and all the shit that goes with it the boss hasn't had a chance to leave me me any tender reminders I can use to feel when the numb creeps up. Nothing like sneaking into the toilets at work to take a look at the lines on your legs and letting them sting as you sit at your desk, sigh!

Isn't it sad that the best bit about Christmas as an adult is the fact you get time off work (it's certainly not the festive porn, tying some one up in tinsel just makes for irritation, festive and horny are two things that don't go together in my book). I've been pragmatic and got shit done so all the commitment that goes with Christmas is in hand but of course there is now the urge to over spend. Not on presents for other people, or expensive trimmings but I've put money aside and now instead of seeing it as presents for my folks it's rapidly becoming the opportunity to buy a puppy tail butt plug and an inflatable gag that will fit so nicely under my fav hood and the thought of not having to pay council tax in feb is just screaming buy the vac bed!!!!

I've even gone so far as to start working out which of the sellers with these things have the best postage rate. While the rest of the world frets about buying the right things to make loved ones happy, I'm thinking about ways to get my rocks off harder and more frequently!

I suppose the puppy plug could be looked at as something just as much for the boss as me, I'm sure he'll enjoy the sight of my ass up and tail wagging as I suck him off. The inflatable gag and vac bed are all me though pure and simple. Although he does like to polish hmmm....

Puppy needs fucking, fuck puppy hard!

During the week I had an experience that reminded me just how important being Fb is to me. As you've probably noticed I don't use my picture on any covers, blog or author pages. The reasons for this are simple. A) I'm not pretty, not even with the most expert of photography and trick lighting have I got a face that you would want associated with anything sexual, okay the Boss likes it but there's no accounting for taste and B) If any of my colleagues fond out what I get up to in my spare time I'd lose my job so fast they wouldn't give me time to get my coat before leading me off the premises (sadly we still live in a world where people are convinced that any kind of sexual difference means you're a danger to vulnerable people). The picture I use is of my bell, just a little trinket but something I value, and it may sound strange, more than my wedding ring.

My wedding ring, although important was bought on the cheap because I needed one and if the Boss is honest he'll admit I paid for it, but my bell has been on my collar ever since the Boss locked it on more than ten years ago and it was bought as part of what I've always thought to be the sweetest bit of synchronicity. The Boss bought me my collar and I wanted something to put on it. I went into town and fell in love with my bell as soon as I saw it but it was a hot day and I lost patience in the queue waiting to buy it, gave up and went home. Just as I got home the Boss was heading out into town himself and we didn't have time to say more than a quick hello, goodbye.

My collars a very elegant Axsmar creation but given the chance I'd go nuts, lock me, restrict me, own me Boss!

A few hours later the Boss arrives home with a gift, it was the bell. We'd had no conversation, I  hadn't even mention wanting a something to hang from my collar but out of all the jewellers in the town he'd just happened to find my bell and knew it was the perfect thing to buy me.

Anyway, as soon as I woke up Friday I knew my bell was gone, the ring holding it onto the collar had snapped and fortunately it had happened in bed so I found it but couldn't get it fixed till later in the day. I'm so used to it chiming my whole day felt like it had something missing, some thing intangible but important, the sound of that bell reminds me I am wanted and owned and I don't like being without it!

Fb loves her Boss, Fb is the property of her Boss, the real word can go fuck itself!!!

Fuck you AC and MSL, fuck you!!

Apologies again, if I use pictures more than once but the seagate is sooo fucking slow to load from, I lose patience and end up using using favourites! 

Sunday, 2 November 2014

By rights this should be the conclusion to my previous post about me and the Boss's last game but it's so been so long since I've had a chance to actually to put some time into writing a blog post it seems rather irrelevant now. Arguably it's only relevant to me and him anyway but that's your luck.

Stay there and shut up, you're not relevant!

As ever the road to getting book 21 out was nowhere near as straight forward as anticipated. One day I'll learn not to be so optimistic about publication dates, it just jumps up and bites me on the ass every time and anyone who reads this sorry ass blog with any kind of regularity must be sick of hearing me say the same things over and over about life conspiring against me.

The excuses for 21 coming out so late are:

My quiet lone working shifts being anything but or swapped so I couldn't get anything done.

Mutiny amongst the workforce which I've had to sort out.

Full moon fever hitting the clients

and a some kind of bug which left me feeling like I was on board ship, tired queasy etc. and as anyone knows it is near enough impossible to even think about sex in any form when you want to throw up.

I've also been behaving very badly on whisper. The Boss says I'm allowed to make strangers cum but no pics or getting off myself. He's happy to take advantage of any arousal I get messing around but he's the only one allowed to make me cum and that includes DIY.

Amazing number of guys with foot fetishes! Sometimes it takes quite a bit of fishing to find some one worth playing with.

A few times all this whisper activity has left me with a great deal of frustration, the Boss will deliberately neglect me even though he knows I'm wound up like a fucking clock spring with no outlet. And before anyone says "why don't you just rub one out while he's not looking?" The Boss has a 6th sense about whether the cork is still in the bottle and spending days and nights with your wrists cuffed so you can't even scratch, let alone play with yourself is not only inconvenient but just makes everything worse.

It's a vicious circle, he connects my wrist cuffs with a short chains and loops them round my belly chain, front if he's in playful mood, back if he's pissed, and always fucking padlocks so I can't cheat. He'll only unlock for emergency's, never when I'm alone and only if I beg, and god does he like to hear me beg. Of course this all just makes me hornier and then it becomes impossible NOT to cum and when I do he starts the whole thing over again as punishment!! Last weekend went very slowly, when you're made to sit around restrained for long periods trying not to think about sex, you can't do anything but! The fact the whole thing is turning you on just getting you wetter, the prospect of yet more, excruciating!! When he's playing this game I can't win, time isn't even on my side, if I'm still in punishment when it's time to go to back to real life, It's his choice of butt plug for my journey home.

Play with yourself self now bitch!

As a result of all this chaos and kept getting distracted. I like to immerse myself in it, let my mind drift off, obsess about the dirty bits and get thoroughly carried away!! Because I wasn't able to do this I'm once again at one of those creative cross roads.

I was convinced I knew where James was going, I saw exactly in my head the next part of the institute, the watch etc and as ever the whole thing was pretty much mapped out but now I don't know.......

I had a vision (that sounds a little over dramatic for my dirty little mind!) but the train has well and truly come of the rails and now I find myself with a whole lot of very vague ideas, rather than the usual overwhelming ones which lead me in a very certain directions. In fact sometimes they're so strong the only way to get rid of them is to literally write them out of my head.

I'm sitting at a cross roads in one direction is more crazy, over the top, science defying, body mods and elaborate set ups. I like the idea of playing with some mummification and breath play (this comes form the idea of buying a vac bed which I know is expensive and impractical but I can't quite let go of it)


In the other direction is a slightly more down to earth and realistic ideas, I sort of fancy playing with Janet seeing as Lola rather unexpectedly dodged the bullet I had coming her way. I think the logical course, if I head in this direction is to have Lola play with Janet but again I'm not sure.

I keep telling myself that maybe I could go down one path then the other but I know what I'm like. If I head one way I'll never get back again and writing something I'm not  100% into will mean I won't enjoy it, and this whole writing things is about enjoying myself but I know what I'm like for writing off on tangents.

Has anyone noticed that the whole premise of the books was that James was supposed to be going to the processing centre? 20 books down the line and he's still not there yet, purely because I've lost concentration and shot off in other directions.

I've thought about asking for more reviews to see if I can write in a direction that people enjoy but to be honest, although reviews are nice that may not actually be so helpful. If I'm worrying to much about what people want it limits how much fun I can have.

This indecision is why there aren't any excerpts at the end of 21. I like adding the excerpts, not because I think they encourage any one to buy the next instalment, I mean you either like this crazy shit or you don't and a couple of lines at the end of one book isn't going persuade people one way or the other. No their main function is to give myself the challenge of trying to work them in and stay on track but this time I just can't do it because I have absolutley no idea where I'm going.

Stop struggling! It'll help you concentrate, trust me!!

A small voice in the back of my head is even asking if maybe the brethren series has run its course, should I perhaps think about taking one of the marginal characters and running with them or maybe even having a play with some more down to earth stories? For a while I had a proper novel running through my head but that hasn't been replaced by anything so maybe this is an opportunity to broaden my horizons. I also took the time to read a gift from a real author which makes my writing look like the amateur effort it is, I always knew I was coarse but this just made me feel clumsy and brutish.

Now I'm just confusing myself!! I need to reset my brain. I need to do something to clear the clouds. I've found that getting drunk can often work quite well in that regard so the purchase of a bottle of red stag is imminent!!

Oh, nearly forgot I promised some excerpts.......

Excerpt one

"He didn't?", "he did!", "really?", "really!".

Excerpt two

"Well that got out of hand quickly!"

See you all in the next book, whatever that looks like


Friday, 5 September 2014

This butt plug is fucking huge, he's only let me take it out once in four hours and there's no sign he's going to let me take it out again any time soon. Today's instructions were modified when I got impatient. There was nothing by the bed so a nudged him with a text. Apparently he was going to send me instructions later but now I've pissed him off and I'm on punishment without release. I'm wearing rubber pants and my lovely long soft rubber dress but I'll be lucky if he even looks at my freshly shaved Fannie!! I'd rather he caned me than denial, I want him to play with me badly but when he's pissed off like this I won't even get a spanking and by tomorrow when my time of being sent to sexual Coventry is up he'll make me pay big time for his own frustration!! Aaaarrgggh.

Not chastity! Anything but chastity, at least let me rub it, you can't stretch my ass out like this and not use it!!!

Every time I move this dress rustled so beautifully, I am horny as all hell!! Before I even contacted him I'd given myself the deepest enema and made my nipples so fucking sore pissing in about with the nipple clamps, now with the plug I am absolutely gagging for him to use me. I have to be fucking careful not to annoy him any more, which could be difficult. If he's annoyed enough the slightest thing could add even more to my punishments. The boss likes to be in control and has no problems asserting his authority.

I've been very good reciting the stations of the good sub regularly and when ordered. The boss has become very fond of hearing them too.

"In order to be a good spouse and a wanted spouse a sub must: Obey all rules as dictated by their Dom, live to serve their Dom's needs, welcome every gift of pain with gratitude, take no kindness for granted and thank their Dom with every breath for each day they are permitted to exist"

I am a good spouse, a good sub and it's not fair I want fucking!!!

I think however at least one of the ideas I'm playing with for book 22 is not translatable into real life

Absolutely obsessed with these pictures

(Huge appreciation to whoever bronc/chains is)

I mean fuck yeah!!

Threaded on a chain, the thought of it either winding around your insides all nice and heavy in your gut

Or having a rigid pipe running down your throat and belly, passing out of your ass!!

Okay now I'm just compounding my own situation by winding myself up even more.

The main achievement of today was getting number 20 out and I'm pleased to say 21 is already writing itself. This is probably because I'm more than just a bit obsessive about sex at the moment, there's serious stuff I should be concentrating on, big, life changing stuff but I'm not sure if it's in spite off, or even because of, my mind is deliberately distracting itself but I'm so in the mindset to spend the weekend getting my freak on.

Here I am just ready to be used

The boss, who fortunately is very tuned in to my need to play, has jumped on board the idea of over indulging in a lot of bondage sex and today left me a set of instructions to follow while he was at work. I'm not back at work till Monday now so I'm free to do as I please. I took care of the last of my obligations which meant contact with the outside world, so now he can lock me away and make me suffer, bliss! I have to confess I did answer an important work email wearing a butt plug and take a couple of deliveries wearing nipple clamps but now it's proper game on. My guess is he wrote his instruction before coming to bed last night and for the boss were quite detailed, he even kindly left gear ready for me. 

Be a good girl Fb and I'll make you very happy...

First thing was a pair of vacuum tubes waiting on my bedside cabinet with a note saying they were to be worn until the first delivery arrived. I'm a creature of habit so the boss knew damn well I was in for two very uncomfortable hours. Photographic proof of the blood they drew made him very happy and the instruction to swap the tubes for clamps and the promise of a caning if wasn't wearing the fat purple butt plug when he got home.

If you'd worn the fat one it wouldn't hurt so much cuz you'd be all stretched out and ready!!

I'm pretty sure the second delivery guy noticed the clamps through my top but if I'm honest I liked the idea. The Boss was pleased to see I'd obeyed when he got home and rewarded me with the remote control vibe which he's steadily draining the battery on. I don't think he's given me ten minutes piece and apart from being allowed to change butt plugs, he told me the clamps are to stay on till bed time. It's not worth trying to reposition them to ease the pain they're causing, releasing them is just excrutiating. God I want to cum so badly but once we're in full on gaming mode I'm not allowed to masturbate so I'm having to resort to grinding and clenching like some fucking bitch in heat!! I've also got a big new batch of porn so, not getting off is going to be a real struggle. 

I do tend towards obedience when the boss has got his serious game head on, he's not one for symbolic punishments, if I'm caught making myself cum he will make me sorry. He has a real thin cane which I hate and he loves! He has even on occasions got sufficiently angry to ban me orgasms of any kind for whole games and on a couple of occasions weeks! 

I think this is the first time when gaming I've had the time to blog, as well as write so hopefully I'm going to be lucky enough to get myself lost in being the bosses oh so obedient fuck bitch!!!! You can't get a better stress reliever. Work can have me Monday but for these four days I am my owners toy. Some nice weed is going to make it even more awesome.

Locked away in the house kept as his personal sex slave, luck, luck me....

I can't wait for tomorrow no obligations so I can devote myself to my libido, I shall follow any instructions my boss leaves, along with a deep enema and some layering of soft rubber. Saturday will the restrictive gear for me, Sunday will be the shiny gear for the boss. My guess is that the boss's choice of butt plug means he wants me stretched for some anal, oh god I do hope so....

Saturday, 23 August 2014

Back on track now! Last week was absolute shite but I've got it all in perspective and if anything it's reminded me just how lucky I am with my life and how I shouldn't take things for granted, yeah, yeah I know it's an enormous cliche but you'll survive!

Stop moaning or I'll find a way to stop you!

If anything I'm feeling kind of energised, I've thrown myself into work, I've got some big battles coming up and shit loads of paper work to go with it but that's okay because right now I could take on the world! My new found enthusiasm has meant however that I haven't had as much spare time for writing on shift as I thought I'd have but ce la ve. 20's still ticking on nicely and will probably be out end of aug, early sept. I have to admit it's taken a bit of a bizarre turn. After my initial indecision about where to go I thought I had it all worked out but then out of nowhere it's got all freaky!!! Some nice oral that left me obscenely wet in a public place but I wonder about my mind some times! It's a fine line between creative and crazy, one which I seem to cross far too regularly.

Normal is a very subjective thing!

The principle of the institute is suffering quite horribly at my hands but instead of feeling bad and being able to intellectualise 'the writing process' I just end up getting horribly horny, indulging myself in thoughts of all those soft folds of heavy latex!! It took all my self control, of which as you know I have none not to press buy it now on eBay and get that a vac bed!!! The boss likes the pure shiny latex but I have a bit of a soft spot for the silicon mix, it some his feels more sensual, like you're being swallowed by it.

This with a full dress over the top.......sweet

I haven't got round to layering he items I bought a few months ago so I think I may just indulge myself this weekend, my beautiful wonderful bondage bra, covered with my heavy latex dress, big rubber pants and trousers beneath, oh that sounds so good. Can't see the boss objecting although he may insist on my paying for the privilege by suck his cock and proving just how obedient I can be! While the dining room is in the process of being decorated my bench and chair are out of commission but the boss is happy to improvise!

The simplest of restraints can be so effective....but it's way too fucking cold for this shit, unfortunately.

I find when we're playing my writing tends to head off into freaky territory my guess it's the heightened levels of arousal that make me push things to the extreme and I've got some ideas about body mods brewing I want to use. I've got the ideal opportunity with the 'little ones' introduced in the last book but before I can get James and Lola to them I want to explore his the subs are retrained, I've got some ideas but they need work. I need to bring some strands together but just at the moment there are too many strands to create something that works. Once again my own libido is making getting my shit together tougher than it needs to be I want to feel and do so much, everything is a fucking turn on.

Need to play with some of this 
Before I can get my freak on with 

Some of this!

Whisper is full of people posting about how their partners sex drive has diminished or disappeared over time, mine is defintely getting stronger, much much stronger and in my current frame of mind Lola may well pay the price! 

Sunday, 10 August 2014

I'm empty. It's been the most god awful week. Some one I work with passed away. It was death that was inevitable but the cruelty of it was preventable. It wouldn't be fair to discuss it in much detail and the nature of my job means I can't break confidentiality but I would love to be able to name and shame the people who didn't help this person when we asked them too!! 

I can't say I'm grieving that would be presumptuous. She wasn't family but all the emotion of the last week has left me feeling pretty empty and a creeping feeling of anger at the universe and karma for doing what they did to this woman. 

After my initial dilemma about where to take the story in book 20 I got into gear and the ideas started flowing but although I'm getting them written down it feels slightly distant. I have a few lone working shifts and some free time so it should all come together by the end of August but i'm learning nothing is ever straight forward.

At the beginning of the week I was obsessing about the possibility of getting a vac bed but reality kind of burst that bubble. The boss went to a friends party last night, I stayed home because I quite frankly loathe the pair of them, she's a self absorbed hippy chic who's desperate for attention and he's a waste of space dole scrounger. Their parties are the same thing EVERY time. She gets drunk and demands every one pays attention to her while he tells bullshit stories about why he can't work and oh dear god I hate them!! The boss however has been friends with him for a long time, so I just use the opportunity to indulge in self abuse.

I did all the usual stuff with plugs and clamps but although I had a couple of nice orgasms my heart wasn't really in it.

Hopefully normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Book 19 is out !!!!

But I have a problem!!! 

Just a matter of hours since writing one post about knowing where I'm going with book 20, I've been completely turned around and from my position of having my shit together, I'm in complete chaos! The Boss has got me all distracted. It probably sounds odd but he doesn't read my stories. 

Not only is my ego way too much of a mine field to allow him to make any suggestions but I think even as oh fe as we are with the twisted stuff that goes on in each others heads, even I couldn't explain why such extremes turn me on to some one and still look them in the eye! Anyway, for the first time, apart from each stories content being what's turning me on when I write, they've actually had an impact on how The Boss and I play. He read some notes I made for 20 and the stations of the good sub I wrote appealed to him so much, I have instructions to get learning. By saturday I have to be able to recite them. He made a comment along the lines of "we'll of you came up with it you must think that's what a good sub spouse should live by, best you start living by it". 

"In order to be a good spouse and a wanted spouse a sub must: Obey all rules as dictated by their Dom, live to serve their dom's needs, welcome every gift of pain with gratitude, take no kindness for granted and thank their Dom with every breath for each day they are permitted to exist"

And you know what, I like it as my mantra . There would be no fb without her boss and I do get a buzz out of being controlled. I find that when were all loved up from a really good session is the best time for him to lay down new demands and rules. I'm being betrayed by my own body chemistry! All this loved up and mellow brain fuzz has left me with a dilemma! 

I throw in the excerpts at the end partly so I can hint at where I'm going next but also partly to challenge myself to see if I can stretch my creativity to include them.  At the moment however, thanks to him throwing this at me I'm so fucking loved up and horny I'm all over the place and can't focus on any one destination or set of circumstances. I sooooo thought I fucking had it but now I can't make any decisions and I just want to write too much. I have a rough list of places James could go, or places he was supposed to go but never reached but within the institute I have so many scenarios and at least three distinct areas I want James to explore, this will be the first time one books come out without the next waiting in the wings. Fuck it fuck it, I was so together. 

Friday, 18 July 2014

This probably sounds like a ridiculous thing to say but have you ever been so loved up and happy that it actually feels kind of scary. The feeling that in some way it's all good to be true and if you trust in the good feeling it's going to be all the worse when the other shoe drops and it all comes crashing down around your head. I'm working today and my colleague, after being seriously fucking lazy all morning just did something mind numbingly stupid but I don't care.  Normally I'm prone to getting very shitty about little things but just at the moment I don't care.
All blissed out and hanging around!

I have money in my pocket, a roof over my head and I am ridiculously in love with my husband, In fact I'm like a love sick teenager. I think I probably mentioned the fact that we had a long weekend together coming up, well I can tell you it was absolutely awesome. We had long lay ins went out for a huge meal and behaved like newly weds going to the seaside for the evening and watching the sun set on the beach. We took a long slow walk by the river and spent a day indulging in some hardcore bondage sex.

After sucking on enough of the comfortably numb mints to paralyse the throat of an elephant I repeatedly made him a very, very happy man. He returned the favour by keeping me tied up for long stretches and making me cum, sooooo fucking hard!! With my favourite hood, ballet boots and new bra harness, I was in absolute seventh heaven. I can not go any further without giving a massive plug to the maker of the bra. I am in love with it. If you're looking for something in the breast bondage department, you have to get one of these.

The seller is usedandabused2011 on ebay, and it is the most wonderful thing you'll ever wear, it's infinitely adjustable and made me feel so controlled. Love it, love it, absolutely fucking love it!!! 

Spending time together like that really does help get my head straight about what my priorities in life should be. Put's all the niggly shit my colleague is doing today into perspective. Although for fucks sake Gary, how many times do you have to be told not to do what you just did!! but I digress. I indulged my love of the film secretary the other night, I know a lot of people look down their nose at it but I've got such a soft spot for it, I know it's massively corny but can't help but identify with it and I love the book that inspired it. Every time I hear Lizzie walter chariots rise I get goose bumps. The other song which gets me all gushy is wonder wall, it was the song du jour when me and the boss got together so in the words of simon bates it's 'our song' jesus does that fucking date me. In the current climate and the shadow of operation yew tree it's nerve wracking as to whether  you can mention any one from British tv and radio from the 70's, they are currently going down like flies but that's territory I'm not venturing into, I'm sure there are many people who'd have an axe to grind about the ethics and portrayal of women in the Brethren stories but it really is just wank fodder folks.

Just play with yourself and move on!

I'm sitting waitng for my colleague's shift to end so I've got the place to myself and can do the final edit on book 19. It's been delayed a few days so I'm probably not going to get it out until next weekend which is a bugger but days at work I thought would be free have been busy and with nice weather sitting at my lap top indoors hold little attraction and the boss and I have another long weekend coming up, which I can guarantee will be predominantly devoted to fun. We do need to get some decorating done and the front garden is a shit hole but we're far to irresponsible to spend too much time on the kind of thing.

Book 19 is a bit of an oddity. The end of every book brings on a period of doubt,'is it good enough? should I add this? should I have written that but i think because it kind of went off at a tangent I feel slightly disconnected from it. I like the content but it's almost as if I had to write it to get to book 20. I can never get started on the next story until the previous one is edited and published. It's the one little piece of self discipline I have so it's become rather entrenched. No matter how keen to get going I'm firm with myself, doesn't of course stop the ideas from flowing. In my last blog post I mentioned about enjoying playing with the concepts of cold impersonal places like institutions so this has of course got me thinking about straight jacket and the like. 

Although I love rubber I'm also very fond of canvas and leather used in the right way, I can't remember if it was the prison or the asylum where I described  some one being forced in a corset/straight jacket of wet canvas but the idea has resurfaced and I'm def going to play with it again. I keep wondering if people think the stories are still as strong, the way I write an process ideas is still the same but I'm not the person to be an objective judge about quality, for me it's all about the fun of writing them, okay the extra cash is nice but I'm not about to quit the day job yet but I need to know if i should keep going or make changes. As I'm writing the stories really turn me on but by the third edit I'm so tired of re reading it might as well be a shopping receipt for all the stimulation it gives me! 

Oh for fucks sake, who makes an iPod stand with round to it's foot!! This fucking thing is driving me nuts keeps falling over, had a brilliant one but it snapped and for the life of me I can't find the same one again!!

Lola isn't in 19 enough so I really want to bring her back to play properly in 20 and there has to be much more hard prolonged fucking. 19 is a lot about restraint and control but I want to get back to some good old sex. Found a sweet vid of a man getting fucked in the ass by a machine which I like. It's the grinding monotonous movement of a machine that's intriguing being forced to lay bound as it pounds endlessly, sliding in and out, over and over in and out!!

I was hoping I'd have a parcel waiting for me today. A couple of my new vibes have arrived but not the ones that do tricks. Annoyingly they take the small watch type batteries but there's nothing that says what size so I may end up spending just as much as if I'd bought them full price buying batteries to find what fits. The boss likes making me wear them long term until the batteries die so we get through fucking loads of batteries. The crossed cuffs I bought have turned out no to fit to well. There're too big one way but too small the other so they'll only work with thumb cuffs or something.

Oh for fucks sake Gary, go home! I've got shit to do!!!

Friday, 4 July 2014

Okay, I admit that I can't help reading my reviews and yes I get a kick out of people saying nice things about by stories but it will never cease to amaze me how bizarre some reviews can be. As I've mentioned before, my one and only review on amazon uk was from some one who was disappointed I'm not  Jeanette winterson (I know go figure!) my second review on uk is also just as special. Book one was apparently okay but his main gripe seems to be the fact he's having trouble downloading and the poor chap seems rather confused as to whether he's actually read the book or not. The advice is always not to engage when people don't give good reviews but these two aren't bad reviews as such they just don't really make any sense, ah well ce la vie! I've had some really lovely ones on goodreads and blogs so can't complain. 

Sit still and stop moaning !

I'm in a bit of a quandary however about whether to offer some of these lovely people more books in the series for free. Not, you understand because I have any doubts about giving freebies, I'm always more than happy to share my work with anyone who's willing to read and if they enjoy it all the better my worry is I don't want to appear like a nuisance. I don't want people to think I'm forcing it on them, in fact if anything I like giving a gifts (as my credit card company will tell you) and now I'm on smashwords again and can give out freebie coupons I've even been throwing a few around on whisper. For some reason I can't seem to gift on amazon, my guess is they're worried about me spreading my filth and corrupting people! So, do I contact kind reviewers and offer them the next book or does that just come across as needy?

Does I seem needy?

 I think a lot of it boils down to the fact that I'm still not actually comfortable thinking of myself as a writer, even the language makes me cringe a little, it feels like I'm showing off but maybe that's just me being a bit too English at times. As a nation we're all for people being a success just as long as they don't tell anyone about it! For example the phrase "my work" sounds horribly pretentious and the brethren stories are far too short to be called books, so where does that leave me? I read some figures once that mean technically I'm in the top 10% of Indy authors purely because I actually sell some books (and having published a 'proper' book I can say selling doesn't just happen unless you find a niche) but I guess a combination of the fact that I write such hard core filth and my own reticence means I'm never really going to be in a position to boast. Ah well yet again ce la vie.

Sometimes you've just got to lay back and accept what's happening!

I've rather gotten into whisper the last few days, you can be honest with people behaving like cocks without having to be too involved, I had to step away from reddit because it gets too heavy and Facebook has to be my everyday clean persona.  I do get a little tired of being sent cock pictures and asked for naked shots in return but it's a laugh handing out sec advice to kinky newbies and younger pervs. I'm tired today so my typing accuracy is right out the window it also means I spend as much time deleting as typing, the fact that my iPod won't behave while it's charging doesn't help, it takes on a life of it's own but it's okay, I'm powering  though today. It's my last shift before a long weekend and I can't wait. This of course also means I don't have my work head on and although I've got a fucking great to do list I'm damned if I'm going to actually do any of it. 

I'd love to do some paperwork but I'm just a bit busy at the moment! ( see I resisted using the "tied up at the moment" pun, that's cuz I'm a writer !)

Sometimes we have to be practical even when we don't want to be!

As predicted book 19 is written, even though I didn't get quite as much peace as I'd hoped, ended up sharing an office with some one who whined constantly, (thanks a bunch Ian and btw you have no right to moan you've been handed a job on a plate so shut the fuck up it's not tough and it's keeping a roof over your kids heads! But I digress) The boss and I have now got a long weekend off together so in between doing all the holiday stuff like going to the coast and treating ourselves to meals out, I should be able to get a first edit done and maybe even publish by Tuesday but if there's one thing I've learned from all this is not to count my chickens. 

My guess is that the boss wants to get some pretty hard core game play in over the weekend as well. A very necessary trip to the chiropractor left me feeling like I'd been hit by a truck last night and this led to several less than subtle comments about my being in trouble for not putting out and giving him ball ache! 

I am also aware of the purchase of a leather bondage bra

Not the actual bra but damn close!

and seeing as he's not the one with the tits in this relationship my guess is I'm going to be the one wearing it, looks fucking excellent so and can't wait to try it. The boss tends to leave his pc on so I got a glimpse of his at page, boy am I going to look fucking stupid if he gives it to some one else, although I'm probably tempting fate saying it i think when it comes to monogamy I'm pretty safe, the boss is very loyal and if I'm honest far too fucking lazy to play around! the bra will however will go very nicely with my new crossed cuffs!

I've just had a thought, is it still called a bra if it's purpose isn't to support but restrain? Should I actually be calling it a harness? I let you know after I've tried it on. Now there's a sweet thought, combining the harness with clamps!!! Oh yes, like the idea of that a lot!!! A  bonus in my wage packet meant a bit of splurging on new vibes, of course the cheap ones come from china which means waiting a while for them to be delivered but it's worth it. Over the years various remote control ones haven't been turned off properly and despite changes of batteries have died. I've ordered a voice activate one and a couple of wireless ones and a handful of little cheap ones. 

The boss has a game he likes to call "shut up and live with it" which involves me wearing a one battery wonder in my pussy or butt until it dies.

 Tied hands mean I can't remove it and as I found out the hard way, just letting it slip out means a hard core spanking, the boss has a nasty habit of not explaining the rules of a game until I break them but I must put the rest of my bonus aside for getting my sleeve finished, ink doesn't come cheap but it's something I've meant to do for a long time. I love the endorphin rush a long session in the chair brings on. The last piece I had done took roughly 6 hours and I was high as a kite by the end of it, I even kind of like the sore itchy healing part, I was always the kid who liked to pick scabs. I like pain if I'm in control of it, I've always done my own piercings for that very reason, I can damage myself till the cows come home but the thought of some one else doing it is a no no. I love the fact tattooist's chairs are just like thoughs in Dr's and dentist's.

Oooo, now that's a sweet thought, being tied to the chair while I'm tattooed!!

Book 19 kind of wandered off on a tangent and this means I need to make a decision about 20. The plan was for James to go straight to the institute where the parish council retrain subs to be a good spouse but James got way laid which means he won't get to the institute till book 20 BUT I have some ideas to do with carnivals, freaks shows and fairs. Can I be disciplined enough to take James to where he's supposed to go of do I just play it by ear?? I need to do some proper planning, this has happened before just as I think I know where I'm going something distracts me and I head off into the woods chasing butterflies!
I've become slightly fascinated by some Japanese porn just lately, I found some wonderful footage of women being use in glory holes 

and I'm def going to play with the concept, cute little disembodied ass's sticking out ready to be used, can't get much more objectified than a woman who's only parts that are exposed are the bits you can fuck! Just a set of holes held together by anonymous flesh and a pair of tits for decoration! Being able to use my iPod to write at work is a mixed blessing, yes I get a lot done but now I'm horny as hell sitting at my desk, without wishing to be crude I get through a lot of panty liners, not that I think crude is really and issue I mean if you're reading this because you've read my books you're not going to be expecting recipes are you.

Urggh! This shift is going on for ever!!! I just want to get home and get playing, I'm manning our other office today and it's deadly quiet, good for writing but annoying in that I have to stop by my usual office to pick up some parcels. I'm hoping it's the pin wheel I ordered, I was just going to use it for the cover of 19 but just as much as I snoop about on the boss's pc he creeps about on my laptop so I've been ordered to hand it over. We lost out previous one which was no bad thing because the boss does like to leave marks with the damn things. He has a keen sense of exactly where nerve endings are and understands has a tendency to look for spots where there's not much padding between skin and bone.

Oh for fucks sake!! I'm just winding myself up now, the days going to go even slower if I sit here think of all the things I want the boss to do to me

This would be a start and maybe some of this......

Oh my god today is going sooooo slowly!!

Sunday, 22 June 2014

Well, thanks to a lot of lone working shifts, a very distracted line manager and a level of horny which seems to refuse to diminish (whatever The Boss and I do) book 19 is running away with itself! The mojo isn't just rising it's in overdrive and I'm already planning out 20 in my head. I do kind of work out a rough plan of where each story is going to go but 19 is developing differently to what I had sketched out. In fact, a twist in direction has appeared which I didn't see coming and it's something I can really play with.
19 touches on what happens behind closed doors in the suburbs but I keep thinking about what happens when things don't go to plan and subs need that extra little bit of punishment and training to make them behave, maybe being sent to somewhere special and taught exactly how to behave by whatever means necessary.

Lots of subs all being trained like battery hens to be the perfect spouse! I like playing with ideas around institutions, one of my favourite stories has been the one that plays around in the asylum setting. I kind of like the ideas that go with bondage and sexual use in quite impersonal places. People being kept for one purpose, their humanity neglected and personalities crushed. 

I must make more effort to move past the Benson pics but they're just so fucking wonderful!!

Most books seem to play with people in some kind of relationship but I've rather deliberately steered away from that, it's probably part of the reason James is such a git. He really isn't a catch, which means I can make sure he doesn't get drawn into any kind of relationship. He meets a lot of other people in relationships but once I've played with the themes and activities within these relationships, I can make him walk away at the end. 

All relationships involve some elements of repetition and I want to keep on avoiding it if I can, I really don't have the self discipline to stick at writing something I'm not enjoying and making any kind of deep psychology real and worthy will take dedication and I am a really, really lazy  fucker. I don't want to have to think, I just want to enjoy pissing around and getting off (sorry folks). 

I really am trash, I am the reading equivalent of junk food. You buy me for a purpose, I'm satisfy just long enough to be fun and you'd never be honest about just how much of me you want to consume in polite company!

Okay last Benson promise!!

In fact my rather gnat like concentration span is also leading me into watching quite large quantities of bondage porn involving men. Being one of these people who wants more of everything all the time I've found that my fav sites can't keep up with my appetite so I've been wandering around the land of men in heavy rubber. The noise a victim makes really does make a big difference! Yes, I know I keep saying it but I Can't stand people pretending to act or doms and ropers talking incessantly over action. Give me some one genuinely screaming, that gagged and muffled sound of some one suffering behind sealed lips or a nice fat gag everytime. A nice one is the involuntary grunt, happens a lot with deep throating and anal, I don't mind if that comes from a man or a woman.

Guaranteed to induce grunting!

I'm especially loving rubberfreaks stuff on xtube, men pissing about with men seems to avoid a lot of the simpering ooing and ahhing that annoys me so much. I'm just not a girly girl and some aspects of being female aren't just unappealing, they are positively beyond me. Perhaps that's why I like being owned by The Boss, I can be his ideal of sexual availability without having to live up to the normal concept of femininity.

You can tell I smoke a fair bit of weed can't you. Stands out like a sore thumb with all this navel gazing and cod psychology! 

Just as well I had one rolled from last night as The Boss decided my day needed a little restriction. I am currently being punished for losing the nipple tubes he'd become so find of. No amount of pleading has convinced him I genuinely don't know where they are!! My habit of giggling at all the wrong moments made him all the more suspicious, which in turn has meant while he's out visiting his mum I'm wearing the biggest steel butt plug he could find and my wrists are chained so close to my waist I can just about type on my ipod, smoking means leaning forward into the most ridiculous position and even if I tried I may just be able to pull the plug out for a bit of respite but I doubt I'd be able to get it back in and finding I'd disobeyed him would not go down well. 

Having to tell him I'd run out of the comfortably numb mints has meant a weekend without clothes, cuffs and chains make sleeves impossible and my ass is already sore as hell, so I'm taking notice of the fact he's got a new hazel switch. 

Brace yourself honey this is going to sting!!

All this is totally getting in the way of redecorating the dining room however, which is a shame because a lot of gaming goes on in there. My spanking bench and chair are currently packed away and I'm missing them. Something about being banished to my chair is much more effective than using the everyday furniture and obviously the bench is built for a specific purpose so making do with the edges of the couch just isn't the same.

On the upside of course a week with a nice set of stinging stripes across my backside will make the week go quicker, a distracted mind is a happy one and all that. My line mangers off most of next week and I have few lone working shifts lined up. I can guarantee these will be put to good use if all I can think about is the residual pain.......... oh yes I can feel book 20 writing itself already!!!

Repeat after me, a good wife is accepting. A good wife is quiet. The institute is for my own good and the good of the Brethren.......